Tech Check

It's hard to fight off distractions on the computer when, for the most part, we have to be on them so much. At work we may have to sit behind them all day or for most of the day. Our Smartphone, for most, has become an extension of who we are therefore used more then ever before. Technology has been a huge blessing, but also a huge curse and how you use it might say a lot about who you are and what you find important.

How can technology be a blessing? We, as husbands can have almost instant access to our wife and our children. We can keep in touch with friends better and stay close to extended family. Letters might still be a classic and cool way of sending messages, but it's been a dying art of communication for years now. Things have gotten much faster, and we demand answers much faster. We can reach a wider audience for Christ. One lone person, say writing a blog, can impact thousands across the world with a simple tweet, Facebook message, or blog post. The men over at "Fearless Men" mentioned how much more efficient we are with all of this technology. There are wonderful things that tech has brought us and we should be thankful to be alive in a time like this.  How have you found technology to be a blessing in your life?

How is technology a curse? Impossible! Yeah, I don't think so. With instant access to so much, those relationships that we can stay in touch with the most can start to fall. How? Spending time with your friends and all just hanging out on the phone. Arriving at home to your spouse after a long day of work, sitting down on the couch and watching television for the rest of the evening or checking "status updates" all night. Because the latest updates on Facebook are more critical than your relationship with you wife...?? Easy access to whatever you want to look at, whenever you want. This can get ugly. Men, we must keep our minds pure and our desires on Christ! How about dependency? Have you ever had your cable go out, your computer breakdown or your phone screen crack? What do you do? How do you feel? Completely helpless? If so, you are too dependent on your tech and maybe it's time for a break... Don't worry, I am guilty on every charge brought up. So how have you found technology to be a curse?


What to do?

SET BOUNDARIES
Sounds simple enough, but you have to first be willing to take that step and then follow through consistently, over and over and over again. This is part of discipline, this is part of growing in maturity and this is essential to understand on your quest to true manhood. Have set nights where you and your wife turn off the phones, TV, pads or whatever and spend actual quality time together. Do a devotional. Pray together. Get creative...

Having trouble staying honest and pure on your devices? Again, set boundaries. If you feel the urge coming to view things you know you shouldn't, don't give in! I repeat don't give in. By this time you probably know your weak spots, so have a plan in place. Plan to go running, open up your Bible, turn off the device or pray. Be ready, don't play dumb and act surprised. Check out the some of the powerful resources from the Men at XXXCHURCH.com. Know your boundaries!


SET REMINDERS
At the end of each month I have a reminder to off on my phone and computer. For three days, I’m reminded why I need to stay consistent, what my boundaries are, why I don't want to go back to my old ways and why I want to stay faithful to my wife and Christ. Again, this goes off every month. 

You can do this too on your phone, work computer or something. Set up a daily reminder to pray. Setup a weekly reminder to read your Bible and set up a monthly reminder to remind you of what's most important and why! Share a calender with your wife and have set times to do a devotional. Every Thursday night maybe? No TV Tuesday night possibly? Just try it. Keep the tech a blessing!

Remember a good soldier is always ready for Battle. A great Pastor is always ready for the Sunday message. And a good, honest, mature Christian man is always ready to defeat the Enemy. 


Have you had a Tech Check lately?
Maybe you should.  

Share what has worked for you or if you need a checkup.

photo credit: © alphaspirit - Fotolia.com

How Do You Let Music Influence You?

I HATE MY JOB!

After a long, hard and stressful day at work, I would leave angry and ready to attack. I would pack up my crap, walk to my car and think to myself "what kind of music will make me feel better". I tossed around my options to help me cope with the anger; something hard and something up beat. My attitude reflected a type of music that I thought would make me feel better. I would earnestly flip through my iPod and find the right song. Crank up the volume and let the tone and words soak in. This was my peace; this was my lie.

Jumping forward to a couple years back; I was angrier and more bitter then I had ever been in my life. My marriage was on the rocks of divorce, my Christian walk was non-existent and I had no friends. I spent a lot of my time building cabinets in my back shed. I am a carpenter by trade and could do these little projects when I felt like it or when the opportunity became available. This project allowed me to stay mad. It allowed me time away from the chaos of my marriage and my overall life. I would get home from work, eat and head out to the shed to be alone with my tools and my music.

As I would put my plan of attack together for the project, I would have already decided on a band or type of music. Let me think, something to reflect my attitude... hard and angry rock. The problem was not in the first few times working out there, rather it was when the project needed closer attention to detail and my head had to be free. This was the time when I decided to change my music or better yet, change my influence. This was when my music preference changed forever.

iPod Play: Fight Club Soundtrack

I am a huge fan of Fight Club, and apparently of the background music as well. I had it stored on my iPod so it was an easy option to choose. What was the difference? There were no words. What does that mean? There was no lyrical influence and therefore nothing to sway me to a particular thought or memory. It was just the instruments, just the beat and so much more. This music allowed me to keep track of numbers, sizes and dimensions. It helped me stay organized and under control. This changed everything.

iPhone Play: Pandora Fight Club Radio

As my life turned around, my marriage recovered and my project finished. I found a new love in this type of Downtempo style music. My car rides after work became calming instead of intense and angry. I am no longer involved in the standard copy of music on the radio. To be honest, I can't stand the radio anymore. Most of all, without the words in the songs running through my head, I can pray, I can reflect on ideas, I can get out of the bad things of life and jump where ever I please. I honestly find myself praying so much more and reflecting on the important things in life with this type of musical influence.

Don't get me wrong, I love occasional rock. But my moods and my influence do not depend on what culture is putting out there on "popular" radio. I suppose classical, jazz or other type of wordless music would also work. The point is to keep your mind free for the things Christ has for you and wants to share with you. We should always be listening.


How Do You Let Music Influence You?
Can you relate with this scenario in your own life?
Let's compare and share thoughts.

photo credit: © Sashkin - Fotolia.com

Don't Mess with my Towel

CAUTION: DO NOT MESS WITH MY HABITS

It's 4:30 am and the alarm on my iPhone goes off. Sometimes it can be so selfish; it takes up my attention during the day and it thinks it can wake me up too. Anyway, I jump out of bed and head to take my morning shower. Once in the shower, I use my preferred soap and shampoo. I wash myself up in a certain order of tasks and I'm done. The occasional stand around and enjoy the comfort of the water does take place, but I quickly realize that the day is calling me. The water goes off, I open the curtain and there's my towel, Mr. Consistent. I grab it from its faithful location and dry off. From there it's clean the teeth, slap on some deodorant and just make sure I smell half decent. This is my morning.

In review of everything so far, I can safely say that these are my morning habits. I have my certain products that I like to use, I have a certain order of doing things, and these things all have their place. In short, I am comfortable and use to how things get done. The only time things become a problem is when CHANGE comes into play. For example, my shampoo runs out, I forget to replace my wash cloth and I find myself without, or if my wife decides she is going to hang her towel in my spot.

STOP. This is where the story gets funny, but also kind of complicated.

I can't remember exactly how it happened, but the short story is my wife started hanging her towel in my normal spot. Now typically she takes the left side and I take the hook on the right side. No big deal right? I tried not to think anything of it the first time and thought maybe it was just a fluke. Well, it went on for another couple days. During these couple days, my annoyance level started to peak. I thought "how could she take my spot, this is my spot", "how dare she"; pretty ridiculous right? I finally convinced myself that we had to talk about it. I needed to know if I needed to adjust my habits moving forward or see if she'd be willing to move back to her spot. Here's how it went.

Hey babe, we need to have a talk. She was sitting innocently on the couch just doing her thing. She looked at me with concern and asked what about. I hesitated and said, "We need to talk about the towel situation." I must have looked ridiculous. She looked at me with confusion. I held my ground and proceeded, "your towel has been hanging in my spot recently and I need to know if you plan on keeping it there." She didn't realize it was such a big deal. She smiled at me and said that she would be willing to move it back to her old location. I breathed a sigh of relief and after a little more discussion, we laughed about the entire situation.

What did I learn here? A couple things...

The first was the importance of good communication in marriage. Can you imagine if I would have let something like this fester for weeks, or even months and let it destroy my marriage. I would have been crazy! She didn't even realize it was such a big deal to me and was more than willing to change back to her spot. Marriage requires give and take by both partners, no matter how small or large the situation appears.

The second was the realization of my habits. Habits help us run our lives at a smoother pace, but they can also make us just a little too comfortable. In starting out with my walk with Christ, I had to make some big changes to my habits. From the music I let influence me, to the way I spent my free time, to the way I led my marriage and so much more. Jesus was a man that led a life of habits that were about teaching, sacrificing and loving other people. Following him requires a new set of habits, a new outlook on life and new view on what's important. Area you ready to make these changes? Are you ready to change your life for Christ?

And I learned again that God has a great sense of humor...

Feel free to share a funny story about how habits can control certain parts of your life.
Or share your thoughts on how following Christ requires a change of our habits.

Handling the New Man in Christ

Over the past few years, I have had the pleasure of learning more about God and the Christian walk. This journey has taught me many things that are good and bad. From the beginning I knew that if I overloaded myself with information, I would not get anything accomplished or stick to anything. I knew that in order to become a better man, I had to break my old habits.

 The breaking of my old habits was the beginning of my journey with Christ. Where did you start out with Christ? From there it went to desire and influence. A new follower in Christ must break from their old, worldly ways and follow Him. Here are a few tips and ideas that I have learned over the years to make the process go easier. You can share yours in the comments section below.

A) Don't Overload!

• I'm going to buy a devotional, a Bible and a study guide. I'm going to stop listening to all secular music and go to Church three times a week (all of this, all at once!). Now, don't get me wrong, if you can pull all of this off; more power to you. In my experience though, it is best to start with a couple items and move your way up.
• For me, it was reading a chapter of Proverbs and praying for 15 minutes in the morning. The afternoon would require a shorter prayer and quality time with my wife and/ or kids. I also read the book "Wild at Heart" on my lunch breaks. The idea is to not overload yourself or overwhelm yourself; but to form new habits as you break your old ones. Do one page of your devotional a day. Say a prayer in the morning and at night. Be intentional about whatever it is.

B) Stay Organized!

• Once you have chosen a couple things to start doing in your new walk. Stay organized and stay with it. Wake up one hour early every morning. Set aside thirty minutes for prayer every night. Turn off the TV on two specific nights a week or do a devotional with yourself or with your wife. You can make this change easier by setting reminders on your smart phone or hanging notes by your bed or around the house. There are many ways to do it, as long as you're doing it! Pick that one book and finish it before you start another one. Stay organized!

C) Set Goals!

• Now that you know what your going to do and you have an organized plan to attack it, be ready for whats next. By the time I'm getting to the end of a book, I am figuring out what I want to do next. Do I plan to read it again? Is there a second book in the series? Pray and have God help you figure out what to do next, because He will help! After about 30 days, the new habits will be well into your system. You can increase your work load or keep it consistent with your current level. The goal is to just keep going!

D) Let's keep the list going! What has worked for you?

The Intentional Man

Intentionally comes from the word 'intention'. Intention means to do something deliberately, or a course of action that one intends to follow; to have a purpose or a goal. Another great description is 'intent implies a sustained unbroken commitment on purpose'.

I always find it interesting to hear people use words in the wrong context or use them and have no real idea of what it means or implies. Intention is a powerful word once you explore the meanings. I love the last explanation that says 'a sustained unbroken commitment on purpose'; sustained means to bear, or to hold the weight up, or to keep from giving way. Commitment means to pledge or to trust. So in other words an intentional man is saying 'I will bear all weights without giving in, I am able to be trusted at all times and I will do this on purpose'!

I think most men would agree with me when I say we are easily distracted. I like to refer to a dog stopping in his footsteps when he sees a squirrel passing; the dog stops what he is doing and stares or points right at the squirrel. Why do we have to look into the car next to us when it passes? Why are we so easily drawn to the woman walking by us? Who do we let things like sports, drugs or alcohol run or ruin our lives? Why do men not work, yet expect to be paid? Bottom line is we are easily distracted and we are not living the right kind of intentional lives.

'I will bear all weights without giving in,

I am able to be trusted at all times, 

And I will do this on purpose'! 

Living an intentional life is right in line with the theme for Manturity which is 'how a man develops a mature body and mind for Christ'. As we grow in age, we have to grow in maturity and that takes daily discipline. Daily discipline has to be on purpose! Here are some ways you can start to grow in maturity and be a more intentional man.

1) Access your schedule each day.

-What are you doing each day? Really? Are you making the most of your time or is it being wasted away to the TV or things that really don't matter? Write your schedule down if you have to and start rearranging accordingly. Be more productive, give more time to your wife and kids, and spend some time with God.

2) Evaluate your habits.

- Start really paying attention to your habits; like looking at the car passing you each time or breaking your neck to see the woman walking by you. What do you do with your wife everyday or how do you play with your kids? How much time do you give to Christ compared to the TV?

3) Start in the morning!

- Don't wait till the afternoon or until you get off work each day to check your life. Start each morning! Set a reminder somewhere by your bed or maybe in the bathroom. Write yourself a note and stick it somewhere or put a daily reminder on your phone calendar. There are so many ways to help you stay on track, but you have to be intentional about it! 

4) Tell a Friend.

- One of the most important parts of this process is to tell a friend what you are doing. Let him or her know you want to be more intentional about your daily activities and your daily walk with Christ. Keep in touch with him or her and share your experiences whether good or bad and talk it through. 

The real trick is to START NOW. Don't wait! This is where the enemy steps in and says 'ah, just start tomorrow' or 'you're doing fine right now'. I know you can handle it, so be intentional and get started!

The sluggard craves and gets nothing

but the desires of the diligent are fully satisfied.

Proverbs 13:4

Manturity TOP TEN

I can't believe it, but Manturity is over a year old! Manturity was a crazy idea God showed me a year ago and it has shown and taught me things I would have never imagined. God took me through the darkest times in my life so that I could see the brighter side and also show people the brighter side of life. As I started to break free from the chains of my past, God started revealing to me a new way of life; a new set of standards that I was to live by each day. As they came to me, I wrote them down on two index cards. They were not anything fancy, but they were my new start; my new habits; my new life. Here they are listed below.

 1) Form Good Habits!

 2) What is your influence?

 3) How do you spend your time?

 4) Do you 'Feed the Machine'? (a song from the band 'RED')

 5) Careful not too judge.

6) It's NOT about YOU!

7) Give God your First.

8) What is your purpose?

9) Complaining is the opposite of Faith.

10) WATCH YOUR EYES!

These are some of the ways I stay in line with God's path. 

What are some of yours?

A Husband's Eyes

Do not lust in your heart after her beauty 

   or let her captivate you with her eyes.

Proverbs 6:25

Before I was a married man, I did not really worry about my eyes and where they wandered. I wasn't married, so I didn't think it mattered if I looked at other women. I let my eyes move as they please and find what they liked. There are a few problems with this mentality though and I would like to dig into them a little further.

HABITS> Habits are nasty little things that we often do and get real comfortable with. Habits are one of the main topics when it comes to Manturity and truly handing over your life to Christ; and it's for good reason. Before your married men, this is what you do; it's what I did. The world and all of its "pleasures" are certainly of no help to us as we try to break these habits. From the music, to the movies to the people around us; there is no shortage of lustful influence. But you have to stop and think now. YOU'RE MARRIED! You're no longer that single guy with the busy eyes, and you're no longer available. You have to come to terms with this idea, the idea that you have handed over your heart to the woman of your dreams and she is to be your desire along with Christ. She is the one you are to want, to have and to love tirelessly though the good and bad. Nobody put the words of the VOWS in your mouth and forced you to speak them, you said them willingly and now you have to MAN UP and live up to them each and every day. Proverbs 6 is mentioned above and has many other great points though out the chapter. Give it a read and see where the verses fit into your life. Lust is a nasty thing that we men deal with and deal with we must. Re-access your habits, review your influence and check your desire. 

I had to have a major life check after I got married and realized I still struggled with some of these old habits. I had to learn that my eyes were for my wife and my wife only. I am not saying I am perfect at this process, but with the help of Christ and daily reminders, I am able to stay strong and watch myself more carefully. Challenge yourself if you are struggling in this area or know of other men who are and make it a point to defeat the darkness of lust. I have become a better man because of realizing my habits and a better husband to my wife! Explore your heart, ask Christ to show you where you need help and ready your heart for what He has to say. 

But a man who commits adultery has no sense; 

   whoever does so destroys himself.

Proverbs 6:32

MM: The Type of Man

What type of man needs to be a Maintenance Man? Anyone? Every man!

No man is ever finished being worked on. No man is ever finished learning new things. Each day is a new opportunity to learn, grow, fail and succeed and so on. We all know this and are aware of this, but how do we take all of those examples and truly learn from them? How do we use these daily things to help us mature and move on? If you haven't been successful in learning from these daily things, than maybe you need to approach life a different way. Maybe instead of trying to tackle these issues by yourself you consider asking for help. You consider finding a way to keep track of some of these things and find a way maintain your knowledge.

A man has to be WILLING. 'Psalm 119:36'

From my personal experience, the most freeing decision I have made is giving my life over to Christ. Doing that allowed me to take the focus off of myself. When the focus is "clearly" on yourself, it is so difficult to see what is going on around you. You have a harder time considering other people's decisions, situations and feelings. There is a simple term for this sickness and it's called selfishness. Selfishness can become a black hole for men. I didn't realize how it was affecting me, until I snapped out of it. Things seemed to get so clear all of a sudden. I was finally willing to give Christ the time He deserved; the time He wanted me to give Him for so long. There was no question, I was willing.

A man has to be OPEN. 'Ezekiel 36:26'
Following Christ for real, for the first time, meant new things. It meant meeting new people, exploring new ideas, changing habits, finding desire and just plain talking to Christ more. A man that finally takes the leap of faith or the man that has had the faith for a while has to stay open to what Christ is doing or may have planned for you. As a new Christian, I knew there would be things that I had never experienced before, but I knew in my heart that I had to keep climbing. A man that has been a Christian for years must still be open to new ideas. He must not get stagnant with his ideas, beliefs and values. He must learn to be open and maintain that trait.

A man must learn DEPENDENCY. 'Exodus 15:2-3'
Being willing has broken your selfishness, being open has helped you adjust to new practices, but a man must learn that giving his life to Christ means a new dependency. It is no longer "me", but Christ in me. It is He who gives me my money, and it is He who makes my path straight, and it is He who provides a way out of temptations, and it is He who died for me. There is no shame, no weakness in being dependent on Christ. For me, it has been one of the strongest moves I have ever made in my life. It made me realize that my dependency on other people gave me no strength compared to Christ's strength.

Maintain. Sustain. Guard. Keep On. Nurture. Manage. Preserve. Save. Retain. Repair. Renew.

Some say it is easier to maintain a bad behavior than it is a good behavior. I say, give me their names and let me meet them. I say, don't let what others say dominate your opinion. I say, go to the sources, go to Christ and ask Him how to maintain. Ask Him how to be a man. And you know what, He will show you. He will give you all the tools you need....

Challenge yourself to be a Maintenance Man for Christ! 

Share some ways on how you maintain your walk!

A Consistent Man

One of my first thoughts I had after I really gave my life to Christ was 'I need to be consistent'. If I was going to be a true Man of God, I would need to maintain my walk with Him. My main two ideas were consistency and discipline. These are two traits that most people need for their job, their marriage, their kids and so on. But I knew I had to apply it to my walk with God. I had to come up with a way to make it daily and serious. I needed to find a way to separate from the False desires of this world and pursue God. It took a few months of reading books and praying for consistency, when God brought up the idea of Manturity. He presented this to me in such an easy way that it just made too much sense. He provided all the tools and showed me the opportunity for true consistency.

For me, Manturity is my way of reaching out to God everyday. I make it a point to post to Facebook and Twitter everyday, even if it's only one time a day. A few months after I started Manturity, I signed up on Digg and started reading and promoting articles about other Christian men and more. This has become a great learning tool and another way to reach people and spread the good news of how God is working in other peoples lives and around the world. Although I have not been as consistent with Google+, I have found and met a lot of great people on there and they post a wealth of information. I love to see new followers, comments and interaction on the blog and hope to take things to the next level in the new year.

Manturity has been a way to keep my mind on positive things and away from the garbage of society. As much as I hope it helps other people, it is truly a tool that has helped me refocus daily. It has pushed me to find my real desire and write multiple posts about it. God showed has shown me ways to adjust my influence and find my true identity. He continually is providing me with new information and ideas to a point that I have had to start keeping Evernotes so that I do not forget them. As I run into the new year and chase new opportunities and new ideas, I can't wait to see what God has planned. Truly the most important part of all of this consistency is my walk with Him. I know that He is always consistent with me, but the real challenge and goal is to keep Him first and allow Him to Father me.

With a new website planned, an ebook in the works and many new topics. I pray that you have a wonderful new year and are consistent in all that God gives to you.

Happy New Years!

Are you more likely to Love or to Judge? Check out the new post on the Manturity #Blog TWEET THIS!

Check Your Roots!

"He will be like a tree planted by the water that sends out its roots by the stream. It does not fear when heat comes; its leaves are always green. It has no worries in a year of drought and never fails to bear fruit." -Jeremiah 17:8

This verse is so simple yet packs a powerful message. Where is your seed planted, where are your roots headed and what type of fruit are you bearing?

It took me a long time to discover where I had planted my seed. I thought I was near the stream and I thought the the roots were being fed by a good source, but I couldn't have been more wrong. I grew up hearing about the stream. I went to a Chrisitan school, attended church and tried to keep to a value system. It's not that I didn't believe in God, I just never really knew Him. My seed had been planted in false soil. The world shows us different types of soil to plant our seed in, but doesn't guarantee the type of fruit it will produce. It's a risk we don't  have to take, but many people do. We all remember the first story about fruit.

So let's say we step into the worldly journey of risk. There is no guarantee for anything good to come of it, but it looks like good soil so we jump in. Planting our seed in the soil of Christ also comes with risks, though what grows will never fail to bear good and useful fruit. Once planted in the false soil, the path of the roots are questionable at best. The direction can come from friends, family, work, money, love, sports or anything really. This is exactly the problem, there is no clear direction. This allows for fear to come in, the droughts can become long and hard and the fruit can get real bitter.

Bitter fruit does not sound good to me! The bad fruit is the result of the seed in imitation soils, and the roots not near a stream. The verse is so clear to the willing mind. In order to bear good and healthy fruit we need to be centered, we need to be rooted in something solid, we need to be rooted in Christ. Planting your seed in the soil of Christ is the best place possible. Your will grow strong, you will stay humble and it will tear down your selfishness. By having your roots spread towards the stream of Christ, you can be assured many seasons of growing. No fear of coming droughts or seasons of intense heat. And finally the fruit, the fruit that Christ can bring into our lives is more filling and more delicious than anything else we can ever experience. So I say dig deep, real deep and find out where you are truly rooted and ask your self why.

Root yourself in Christ.

Check your roots!

Strength Over Time

We can never have more than we can bear. The present hour we are always able to endure. As our day, so is our strength. If the trials of many years were gathered into one, they would overwhelm us; therefore, in pity to our little strength, He first sends one, and then another, then removes both, and the third, heavier, perhaps, then either; but all is so wisely measured to our strength that the bruised reed is never broken. We do not enough look at our trials in this continuous and successive view. Each one is sent to teach us something, and altogether they have a lesson which is beyond the power of any to teach alone.  -H.E. Manning

Culture says "Man Up"?

It's one thing for the culture to notice that there is a problem with men these days, but it's another thing to leave it up to culture to "try" to fix the problem...

I recently started watching a couple new shows on TV that were suppose to portray a "manlier" image. The first show that came to the chopping block was 'Last Man Standing'. I have to say that out of the newer shows this is one of the better ones, but still not overly "manly". The father, Tim Allen, is surrounded by his wife, three daughters and his oldest daughters baby boy. The concept is to show men that they can still be manly amongst all those women. He also wants to show his grandson that he is in charge and that the true man is still alive..
The other show that came out recently is titled 'Man Up'. In my opinion, this show did not hit the bar at all. I don't think it even realized there was a bar to aim for... The show is loaded with immature men in their forties who are trying to grow up. Really? So the show is not about mature men doing the responsible things in life, but rather doing the irresponsible things and trying to learn from them. The show starts with the main characters playing video games and ends with them playing video games. I don't think this is hardly any example of men that are making an attempt to 'Man Up'. The networks know that a manlier image is needed back on television, but who is running the networks? I can't answer this question, but maybe someone could enlighten me with the answer.

I also find it interesting that these shows have come out while a new movie is out in theaters called 'Courageous'. Men that are struggling in life, but come to a Resolution to fix their issues. This is a true example of men becoming responsible men! Television shows are more easily accessible, but they still require an audience that wants dumb people cracking the same old jokes and making no real point. The new shows mentioned above do have some very subtle and sometimes very quick examples of men doing the right, responsible and mature thing, but the majority of the shows are fill and fluff.

So the idea is simple. The world, our family, our friends, our workplace need to see men 'Man Up'. But how that happens and where the influence comes from needs to be managed properly and responsibly. Sure, these shows can be funny and have their moments, but being a man is more than that. It's about growing in maturity, becoming a man of integrity, making the hard decisions and raising kids that know who is in charge and why. Man is ultimately responsible to God. It is the way we were designed from the very beginning. If a man can stay true to his roots, his Father, than his path will be straight and long.

So in short, Man Up! And do it carefully and according to the design God intended.

Book Review: 'The Resolution for Men'

Up for a real challenge? One that could change you for the rest of your life? Are you sure...?

The Resolution for Men is a new book that corresponds to the powerful movie 'Courageous'. Courageous can now be found on Blu Ray and DVD! In the movie, the men come together at the end to sign a Resolution. The Resolution is document in the film that outlines how a man is going to live his life from that point forward. Check out the document here. All of the men come together in a ceremony, agree and sign the Resolution. It is a way of life, an act of courage and a statement to everyone around you that you are different. And if you sign the Resolution with other men, they are your brothers that keep you accountable ( a way of Locking Shields ).

The Resolution for Men takes the document to the next level. There is a chapter for each point, corresponding verses and a challenge at the end of each chapter. The book starts off in true Kendrick brothers form by saying it is not for the weak. It goes on to say that you will be challenged; you will be brought out of your comfort zone and that sacrifices are going to have to be made. On the other side of that it says that the rewards will be great; the impact will be radical and it will be worth it all.

The book continues from there and gets into "why" we need a resolution. The need to get Fathers back and the priceless value they have in their children's lives. One of my favorite chapters early in the book talks about being a "chain breaker". This was a powerful message for me, as I had to make the courageous decision in my family line to break the chains of my past fathers. The way they had done it for years was just not working for me. I didn't feel fulfilled in life, in work and especially in my marriage. It just wasn't working. I finally gave over the chains to God and the weights of all the past mistakes from myself and before were lifted. From there it's a matter of consistency and discipline. It's a matter of figuring out how to live out the life of Christ and do it as a man should. This is where the Resolution plays a crucial role in a mans life. It's not just about saying you want to live a life for Christ, it's about truly living it out everyday! This will take more courage and strength than you have ever experienced, but this time around God is with you.

A quick over view of the chapters goes something like this: Resolve to lead your family, to love your wife, to bless your children, to live with honor, to demonstrate love, to reconcile with your past, to be faithful and to leave a legacy. The Resolution for Men is a powerful challenge for any man to embark upon, but it might just be the most rewarding experience you will ever have. 

I encourage every man to read this book 

and become a Man of Resolution!

Music and it's Influence

The impact of music is everywhere in this culture. The age of just settling for what the radio played is long gone. The time of waiting for an artist’s new ‘compact disc’ might be remembered, but is quickly fading. The rise of MP3 music files, and many more file types, has made music accessible with great ease. And of course the inventions of the iPods and iPhones have revolutionized the whole process (rest in peace Steve Jobs). The industry has become wildly more popular and shows no signs of slowing down.

Because this is such a huge industry, it has a giant influence on people. Artists are full blown stars, popular songs top the radio charts, and some gain a cult like following. We are influenced by the singers, by the beats and especially by the words.

For example, have you ever had a bad day and put on a song that helps you get through that bad day? I use to like new alternative rock music. It seemed to fit my style and I always liked the beats. What I came to find out was that I liked the words and the singers also. Ever find it interesting how easy it is to memorize the words to a song. Now just imagine reading those same words, do you think they would have the same influence? Interesting….  The more I listened to this type of music, the more I realized the power it had over me. I had to hear certain songs after a long day, I had to hear certain songs when I was feeling down and I had to hear them as quickly as possible. The sooner I could listen, the quicker I would feel better. Strange?

Don’t get me wrong, I love music and listen to it everyday. But I have changed who I listen to and why I listen to it. For the most part I play music that has no words, otherwise known as Electronic or classical. I have found this music to still have a great beat, but I don’t have to worry about the words or the message trying to be expressed. I can have my own agenda in my head and work out my own thoughts. I still listen to music with words on occasion, but it is certainly not my first option.

Control your music, don’t let it control you!

Have you found this to be true? What are your thoughts on the influence of music?

Under the Influence

Music, Media, Television, Culture, Peers, Family, Church, Past, Relationships

What do all of these things have in common? They are the things that influence our lives, our personality, our money, our faith and more. We are constantly ‘Under the Influence’. If we are not aware of these influences and how they are affecting us, they can start to control us. They can dominate us to a point that they begin to shape a new identity in us.

The last series of posts talked about desire. This next series is based on the influences that fight for our desires everyday. God will give us the desires of our heart, but culture will give us the desires of this world. The more you let the small desires of this world influence you, the more you become of the world. Don’t forget, we are to be in the world, but not of the world. I know some things are unavoidable in this culture. If we, as Christians, are to connect with the world, we have to put ourselves into the influences. We have to be aware of the popular music, we have to know what media and society are now saying is “ok” and we have to be alert to what the enemy is up to. This, of course, leaves us wide open for temptation. But we have to be strong and stand up to these forces. Amongst all of the worldly influences, we have to allow Christ to influence us. We have to be intentional with our time, at all times. Careful to not allow the influence of culture today suck us down with it.

Let’s explore the ways we are all influenced.

So what are some ways you are influenced? Good or Bad?

Desire in Marriage

As a man, I want to love her, but do I really know how to love her? Especially when times are difficult?

Before we get married, we are one separate being. We do things our own way and we desire the things in life that are pleasing and helping to ourselves. Before I said, 'I do', all I was use to saying was 'I want'. What I mean by this is that I did what I wanted. I didn't have to "do" too many things against my nature. When my wife and I were dating, the times together were free and very forgiving. We were able to look past the little quirks, the little things that actually annoyed us a lot. The only thing we wanted was to be together, but does anyone ever really know what their asking for when they take this step? Truth be told, God does and its all part of His plan. All these differences we find in our partner are actually things that will help us, as individuals, become a stronger and better person.

When we tied the knot, we said 'I do'. I DO promise to love you, I DO promise to take care of you, I DO promise to stay with you through the good and bad. I DO promise to desire you. The way we desired that person before is not going to be enough to make the marriage work and last. God has put the desire in us to find this special someone, but we ultimately don't know why. As we find out the different things about each other, we start to take a step back. What is that anger about? I never did things like that growing up! Who are you? The simple desires that brought us together have started to fade into the fog. We get caught up in the storms of life and we start to lose hope. In other words we lose our desire for that person.

The bottom line is we have to think about the desires that brought us together. We have to focus on the desires that keep us together now. And finally the desire to move forward together and get past the little issues. As John and Stasi Eldredge  write in their book 'Love & War'. "Because marriage is hard, the first great battle it to not lose heart. We must recover and maintain desire. Let desire return and remind you of all that you wanted, all that you were created for. "

How have you maintained desire in your marriage?

Understanding Desire

In previous posts, we discussed some of the false desires of the world. We talked about how we can discover desire and the pressure the world puts on our desires. Believe it or not, things like movies, shows, commercials, cars and more are all made to capture our desire. Advertisers understand the word and quietly build it into their branding.

If you have started to truly understand desire from God’s point of view. You will start to feel a shift in what you desire in the world. In a sense, the “desires” of this world will start to lose their luster. What you once thought was so amazing, has now been downgraded. For example; theme parks, certain hobbies, habits. Why is this? Because God is starting to reveal to you your true desires. (Psalm 37:4) You are now in a position with God that He is able to reveal your desires to you. You are trustworthy enough. As you make this shift, the desires of this world will no longer have a stronghold on you. I like to refer to bible verse for this which says ‘I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh’, Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV). Because you have delighted yourself in the Lord, he has given you a new perspective. A new outlook on the way you see and do life. And it’s good!

As I started to understand desire and realize the true desires of my heart. The meaningless things of this world started to really become meaningless (Ecclesiastes 12:8). I still enjoy going to theme parks, racing and building things for people (I do carpentry for fun). But the thing that matters most now is the people I am there with; whether its building relationships with family, making friends that enjoy similar hobbies, or seeing someone smile from a finished product. Another desire that becomes stronger is your marriage. Culture says it’s fine to look at other women and it’s alright to “search the internet”. But the truth is we are to desire our wife more than any other woman. She deserves our attention and our love. My marriage has been fundamentally transformed by God. When we allowed Him in, He revealed our desire for each other. Since then our marriage hasn't been the same and we never want to go back to the old ways. It's just that good.  Finally, your desire is focused on what God would have you desire. You are no longer attached to what the enemy tries to make you desire, although he will still tempt you. Pray for God to reveal to you the desires He has for you. Pray that your desire would never stray again!

Have you experienced true desire? Have you been given a new heart and Spirit?

The Pressure of Desire

So often I am tempted by my old desires or my false lovers. They come each day in the form of a poke, a nudge or a push. Some attempts by the enemy are stronger than others and some are just a quick memory. The memories of the old desires are still alive and the enemy loves to insert them whenever possible. He comes with comforting lies and soft tones, trying to speak to us in our language. This is the language you use to speak and the enemy knows it very well. He knows what made you fall before and he knows the temptations are still a chance to get us to go back to the old ways, or our old desires.

Take a can of soda for example. If you were to take this can of soda and shake it up, assuming it is caffeinated, the pressure would build inside of the can. If you were to open the can, the contents would come gushing out suddenly and there would be a mess to have to clean up or cover up. Now let’s say you shake that can of soda, but you do not open it. Sure the pressure is still there, but the contents are left inside to settle down.The same is with the temptation of our old desires. The enemy is still around and we are still human. When we are tempted, the pressure will rise and we will have to make a choice. If we make the choice to indulge in the old desire, the contents of our actions will come bursting out! We will be left with some sort of mess to clean up, or even worse we will have the guilt of trying to cover it up. If we can have the courage to stand up and avoid the temptation, the pressure will go away and the contents will calm down.

If we are recognizing our old desires and changing our habits to get our desires more in line with Gods, than we must be strong. We must be able to stand up to the pressure of the enemy, other people and so on. The false desires will tempt us; there is no question about that. But by knowing this type of thing is at work in us, we can be ready. We can have faith that God will provide a way out for us. Proof is in the His words below.

1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Discover Desire

Continuing in the theme of Desire, from the book by John Elderidge. In the first discussion of our desires, we talked about 'False Desires'. This discussion is about taking desire to a new height, and discovering it on a deeper level.

Desire, at first, seems like a complicated idea. It is not a word commonly used anymore, and not really understood. But, we can only hope for what we desire. I know we all use the word hope. So how do we find out the deeper meaning of desire? How can we discover desire?

 I like to refer to one of my favorite verses, which is 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart' (Psalm 37:4). The first part of this verse can help us understand how we can discover desire. We must delight ourselves in the Lord or find pleasure in our time with the Lord. How do we find pleasure in the Lord? Well, I'll ask another question: How do we find pleasure in hiking, reading, sports or just things we enjoy? We try it; we open ourselves up and give one of these things a try. Once we try it, and like it, we can say we took pleasure in it. Because we have taken pleasure in it, we hope or desire to do it again. When we take a vacation, we are typically longing for that time to get away. We desire to be on vacation.

So now that we have discovered the meaning of desire in our everyday life, how do we translate that into our walk with God? Let's start first with Church. As men, we need to be the spiritual leader of our household. The decision to go to Church should start with you. If you have the desire to seek God, your family will follow in your direction. They will be led, just as you are being led by God. Be open to listening to the message at Church. Hear what the Pastor is saying, and really listen closely. Try to desire, long, and  know more about our Father. Become friends with the people of the Church. These people should also have a desire to delight in the Lord, which will help you maintain your desire. The more people you can wrap around you with a desire for God, the better chance you have at maintaining your desire.

How have you discovered desire in your life?

Language of Respect

Respect is an understanding, an agreement, a behavior, an attitude and more.

Understanding respect is essential. It is necessary in the workplace, in marriages, and in everyday communication with people. When people are placed in charge of us, we must respect them. We must learn what respect means to them and apply those concepts daily. We must apply them in an effort to form a habit out of the process. It will be the best thing to do for yourself, for your career and for your boss. When you say ‘I do’ to your spouse, you are signing up to learn respect. We must learn what respect means to each other and, even more, learn how to apply those particular principles. Since we know ourselves better than anyone, we must be able to openly communicate what our language of respect is to our spouse. This will assist greatly in truly learning to understand each other. Once these points are found, the habit of applying them can begin.

 Since the wife is designed to understand love better, we, as men, must have patience with our wife. It would be a great idea to make an agreement with your wife in regards to learning more about respect. In other words, you both agree to stop conversations when needed, in order to learn each others language of respect. For example, when your wife does something that is disrespectful to you. This can be the time that you stop and default back to the agreement. You can simply say ‘Let’s go back to the agreement. The situation or words spoken came across disrespectful to me.’ This type of agreement allows the situation to not get out of control, because the both of you are going back to the original conversation/ agreement. Any misunderstanding of the situation can be worked out at this point in a calm and understanding way. This same idea can be applied when the husband says something unloving or disrespectful to his wife.

When I referred to the word ‘calm’, I am referring to our behavior. Our behavior or attitude is also large part of respect. Keeping the situations at a calm level allow for better understanding, clearer judgment and true listening. When a situation arises that would call for the ‘agreement’, it is most likely not going to be an easy moment. Something happened that caused some tension or friction. We, as spouses or coworkers, have to be careful not to assume the worst about each other. Assuming the worst will bring about an immediate negative attitude. If we can assume the best, our behavior will stay positive and calmer. The conversation during the discussion will go smoother and the resolution will come quicker. If needed, paraphrase each others comments back to each other to allow for full understanding.

In ending, we all need to understand how to respect each other better. This can be accomplished by being aware of this and agreeing to tell each other when situations come up. And to keep a positive, calm attitude during the process. The benefits of learning each others language of respect can be life changing.

Learn more about 'Love & Respect'.