10 Things I Have Learned from Fatherhood

As a new father of only 5 months, I have already come to learn the value and necessity of having a son in my life. Before he was born I thought that I had life all figured out. I was told by some of my close friends that life would change, but not having gone though it yet, I thought they were just trying to scare me. I was wrong.

At first it appeared life had changed for the worse; walking up in the middle of the night over and over again, a crying baby that I had no idea how to help and a sometimes frustrated wife that didn't want my help. I thought to myself, "What did I get myself into?". As time passed, my wife and I continued to work together and we were soon lean, mean, baby problem solving machines. Well, maybe not quite that...

In the aftermath of my wonderful first Father's Day, I came up with my top 10 things I have learned from Fatherhood, or top 10 things I have improved on in my life. Word it however you like.

1) Love My parents taught me about love, my wife showed me how to love, but my son has taught me about the strong bond of love. When it took months for me to realize I loved my wife, it took "first sight" to love my son. My love continues to grow for him each day and I pray daily that God would help me maintain that love for him and my wife. (1 Corinthians 16:14)

2) Value of Time  I can't count the times people have asked if the baby was sleeping well or if we've slept at all in the last week. I also wonder what my wife and I did with our time before we had our little guy. From late nights, to early mornings, to staying at home a lot more, I have learned that my time is passing and I want to spend it loving my wife and son to the best of my ability. It's a daily prayer to make sure I am not overly distracted.

3) Necessity of Patience  I really like to think that I was a patient man before our little guy, but after about a month of frustrating occurrences and small battles with my wife, I had to dig real deep and pray for more patience. God is always good and has helped me to become a more patient man. And don't think this is just at home, this patience shines in all that I do now. (Galatians 5:22-23)

4) Great Communication with my Wife  My wife and I were fortunate to be blessed with over 5 years of marriage before our son arrived. Through many ups and downs we were able to establish a strong sense of communication with each other. We discussed many times before our son was born that we were going to have to take this to the next level and we have. My wife is a wonderful mother to our son and we pray daily that God would help us be the very best parents we can be for our son.
(Ephesians 5:22-25)

5) Strong Protector  Being the protector of my family already fell into my role when I became married to my beautiful wife, but with a son, it has become an even stronger trait that I try to possess. From making sure he stays safe and comfortable at home, to making sure he is properly fed and spending quality time with him when I am home. I want my wife and him to know that they are in safe hands and that I will do everything to protect them. I pray daily, especially when I leave them alone, that God would protect our family. (Philippians 4:13)

6) Selflessness  Everyone one of us can admit that we were selfish and self indulged before a child came into our life. The weekends revolved around the wife and I, the dogs were no trouble when thrown in the kennel and we did what we pleased with our time. These days our schedule revolves around our little guy, and because of our deep love for him, this is not a problem and we are glad to it. This might be one that I need to pray about more. (James 4:6)

7) I am Blessed  Knowing that I have a great wife and a happy son, I am fully aware that I am blessed. As I seek prayer in each of the areas listed in this top 10, I make sure that I let God know how thankful I am for what he has blessed me with in my life. I have to stay aware that all of this could change at any moment and that I must continue to seek and rely on my God.

8) Teamwork (wife, family, friends)  As the time approached to have our baby, we knew we were going to need the support of friends and family. God has blessed us with some amazing people from our Church in our life and they were more than willing to help us out. I suppose through this, I learned to put a bigger value on their friendship and do a better job at making myself available and honor the relationship more consistently.

9) Fatherly Maturity  The story of Manturity continues to progress as I add the role of fatherhood to my life resume. The last few years have taught me the value and strength of having God in my life and maintaining a strong and healthy marriage, but fatherhood makes me want to know more about maturity. I firmly believe every man must mature and the path is very similar for all men. I pray that I can be the mature father my son needs me to be. (Proverbs 22:6)

10) God's Love  Our Church recently ran a series about God's love and I think it came at the perfect time in my life. As I could feel that I loved my wife and son more, I still wanted to know more about God's love and what it meant in my life. The verse at the end says that God is love and we must love as well if we are to know God. I can't say everything about this verse now, but knowing that God commands us to love makes me want to be a better man, greater husband and stronger father! (1 John 4:8)

Gents, I have only been at this for 5 months!

I would love to hear what fatherhood has taught you over your years. Share in the comments below!

Don't Mess with my Towel

CAUTION: DO NOT MESS WITH MY HABITS

It's 4:30 am and the alarm on my iPhone goes off. Sometimes it can be so selfish; it takes up my attention during the day and it thinks it can wake me up too. Anyway, I jump out of bed and head to take my morning shower. Once in the shower, I use my preferred soap and shampoo. I wash myself up in a certain order of tasks and I'm done. The occasional stand around and enjoy the comfort of the water does take place, but I quickly realize that the day is calling me. The water goes off, I open the curtain and there's my towel, Mr. Consistent. I grab it from its faithful location and dry off. From there it's clean the teeth, slap on some deodorant and just make sure I smell half decent. This is my morning.

In review of everything so far, I can safely say that these are my morning habits. I have my certain products that I like to use, I have a certain order of doing things, and these things all have their place. In short, I am comfortable and use to how things get done. The only time things become a problem is when CHANGE comes into play. For example, my shampoo runs out, I forget to replace my wash cloth and I find myself without, or if my wife decides she is going to hang her towel in my spot.

STOP. This is where the story gets funny, but also kind of complicated.

I can't remember exactly how it happened, but the short story is my wife started hanging her towel in my normal spot. Now typically she takes the left side and I take the hook on the right side. No big deal right? I tried not to think anything of it the first time and thought maybe it was just a fluke. Well, it went on for another couple days. During these couple days, my annoyance level started to peak. I thought "how could she take my spot, this is my spot", "how dare she"; pretty ridiculous right? I finally convinced myself that we had to talk about it. I needed to know if I needed to adjust my habits moving forward or see if she'd be willing to move back to her spot. Here's how it went.

Hey babe, we need to have a talk. She was sitting innocently on the couch just doing her thing. She looked at me with concern and asked what about. I hesitated and said, "We need to talk about the towel situation." I must have looked ridiculous. She looked at me with confusion. I held my ground and proceeded, "your towel has been hanging in my spot recently and I need to know if you plan on keeping it there." She didn't realize it was such a big deal. She smiled at me and said that she would be willing to move it back to her old location. I breathed a sigh of relief and after a little more discussion, we laughed about the entire situation.

What did I learn here? A couple things...

The first was the importance of good communication in marriage. Can you imagine if I would have let something like this fester for weeks, or even months and let it destroy my marriage. I would have been crazy! She didn't even realize it was such a big deal to me and was more than willing to change back to her spot. Marriage requires give and take by both partners, no matter how small or large the situation appears.

The second was the realization of my habits. Habits help us run our lives at a smoother pace, but they can also make us just a little too comfortable. In starting out with my walk with Christ, I had to make some big changes to my habits. From the music I let influence me, to the way I spent my free time, to the way I led my marriage and so much more. Jesus was a man that led a life of habits that were about teaching, sacrificing and loving other people. Following him requires a new set of habits, a new outlook on life and new view on what's important. Area you ready to make these changes? Are you ready to change your life for Christ?

And I learned again that God has a great sense of humor...

Feel free to share a funny story about how habits can control certain parts of your life.
Or share your thoughts on how following Christ requires a change of our habits.

AFFIRM

When I was growing up, my father and I used to race go karts. To be completely honest, this is when life felt like it actually started. We started racing when I was around 14 years old. Up to that point, most of the activities in our family were done, well, as a family. I had competed in other sports like basketball and baseball, but they didn't compare to racing with my dad. In basketball I had 4 other guys around me and we tried to move in one motion. We were led by a good man, our coach, and he did his best to bring us together as a team. This was a great time period of learning how to work together and take orders from an older man other than my father.

Racing go-karts was much different though. It came down to my dad and me. We were the team and we had to depend on each other. In my first couple years of racing, it was about learning and having fun. Karts and motors weren't that expensive and we got to the track in our reliable Dodge Caravan. I didn't know it at the time, but my father was using this time to train and mold me. Each time I went out on the track, he made sure I was ready and told me I could do great. "Watch your speed around those turns." "Sometimes you have to go slow, to go fast." "Careful, the track is slick so get those tires warmed up first." He would give me a high five, fist bump or a hand pat on the helmet afterwards. He'd ask me if I was ready, I would nod, and he would start the engine up. I would sit there in the kart just staring at the track in front of me. Thinking about what my father had just told me; thinking about the last race and maybe what I did wrong; thinking about the fast kid and how I could possibly beat him this race. Out on the track, it was up to me. My father could give me the best kart, the fastest motor and finest equipment; but if I didn't drive smart, we would have nothing. My foot and leg would always be slammed to the gas pedal. Sometimes I wouldn't realize how hard I was pushing it down and would have to relax myself. I'm surprised the pedal never broke on me. In and out of turns; dust from the dirt track flying past me and my eyes never leaving the man in front of me. I'd finish the race, sometimes satisfied and sometime disappointed, and head back into the infield. No matter what, my father would be there to see my out of my kart. No matter what happened in the race, he would help me get the kart back to the stand and loaded up. No matter what, he told me I did a good job and raced a good race.

Affirm means to express agreement with or commitment to; uphold; support. I am reminded of a time the Father spoke to His Son in the book of Mathew: "This is my Son, whom I love; with him I am well pleased". Our example of the father and son relationship is built upon love and affirmation. With just a few simple words, fathers were shown how to speak to their sons. As a son and soon to be father, this verse will be at the forefront of my thoughts. Just as my father affirmed me each time I went onto the track and got off the track; I want to make sure I affirm. It wasn't just about the speed, the sound of engines roaring everywhere or the thick smell of gasoline in the air; it was about a relationship, mentorship, sonship. I will always remember those days on the track and I even look forward to the day I can put my son in the seat, with Grandpa as the crew chief. 

We've all gone through affirmation at one point or another. 
Describe the process of your affirmation. Good or bad.

Smooth Seas

Smooth Seas do not make Skillful Sailors. 

-African Proverb

I recently started working on a new project for my work. It was an old hospital, so you get to see all of the old rooms from the Psych ward, to the maternity area and so on. I found it interesting that the stairways had pictures of calm scenes and the walls along the steps were lined with quotes. Of all the quotes, this one stood out to me the most. I'm no sailor by any means, although I think my cousin is, but this quote really applies to all of us in more ways than we think. In a lot of cases in life, we learn the most through hardship. Not always, but a good portion. Sometimes we have to be taken down an unexpected path in order to realize something about ourselves. Something that has maybe always been there, but now plays a bigger part due to the 'rough seas' you just encountered. There are other times when we learn some life skills through calm events, but I'd go to say that it is not as often. Here are some areas where the rough seas have taught me some valuable lessons in life.

COLLEGE was not a smooth sea for me. I knew, in the back of my mind (way back there), that the college I chose was the right path for my life. The hardships included; being hours away from home, keeping my relationship with my girlfriend going (who is now my wife by the way), waking up at 6 am to start each day and keeping my grades up. This was not your typical college either; it was actually a trade school for guys only. I went for three long years and it seemed much longer than that. Every so often I would have to remind myself that it would be over soon and it would all be worth it. Deep down I was learning how to handle the rough seas and become my own man, on my own. At the end of the three years, I landed a great job that I would have never imagined and I married my longtime girlfriend a few months after that. I thought the seas would be smooth from then on and boy was I wrong.

MARRIAGE was a sea that I had never sailed before. For years I thought marriage would be the answer; I'd have the woman of my dreams and I would have a great job. We quickly found out how hard marriage was and also how selfish we were, and the storm waters were rising. As we walked out our life, it became more of a blame game marriage. Each month was new problem and a big fight. These calm seas were getting mighty rough, and quick. After a few years of struggling, I wanted out of my marriage. I thought I had got it all wrong and that going back to the single life would be the answer. Low and behold, we only had to look in the mirror to see who the problems were; it was us. It was shortly after this moment that Christ started to intervene in our marriage and started to show us what real marriage meant. Real marriage starts with Christ! It all starts with Him! As the clouds moved away and the waves calmed down, we both realized how wrong we had been for so very long. These were some rough times in our marriage, but it made us stronger and a better couple. We didn't give in like most couples are doing these days and we are better off for it. We have become some pretty skillful "sailors" in our marriage, but it took work to get there and it takes work to maintain. 

The point is that sometimes we have to go through hard times in life and learn from those hard times, before we can really appreciate what life is all about. I always have to refer back to Jesus and all the hard times he encountered during his time here. He was mocked, beat, betrayed, lied to and so much more. But he reigns victorious! He is there during those rough seas and he always will be. Don't forget it.

Share your story of how some rough seas turned your life around.

Wax Seal

We've all heard the horror stories related to the john, the pot, the throne or best known as the toilet. After a fresh installation, the possibilities to leak could come from so many places; the water connection in the back; the connection from the tank to the pot, and of course the wax seal. I write about this because this weekend was my first experience with replacing a toilet. I won't lie, anytime I do something new I watch a couple Youtube videos to see what to do and not to do. I download the information into my hard drive and off I go... to the pot. The toilet that was there worked, but had been there for a loooong time. I'm sure the gallons per flush were easily 3 or more, which today's standards are about 1.28 gallons per flush; quite the money savings over a long period of time. I know you probably don't care to hear about this, but, to be honest; it is good information to know. With the old toilet removed, I dreaded the new install. Like I said, with so many opportunities for it to leak, you never know how it will go after you turn that water back on. I can honestly say though, that it was a great and easy installation with no leaks. (so far)

Why does any of this matter or even apply to life. Well, you have to ask yourself 'where am I leaking'. Where am I letting things go or how am I making sure what gets in doesn't leak out? Consider your water source and its connection. With a simple turn of a handle, the water to a toilet can be on or off. Are you on or off? Are you allowing the water to flow in (leak proof), and flow out (leak proof)?

I learned that Jesus is the water source and in order for your life to go according to his plan, you have to make sure your valve is turned to 'on'. That first connection; that connection to him is of most importance and the seal has to be right. That first connection for the toilet consists of threads and plumbers tape. The plumbers tape is that extra seal, that little bit needed to make a tight connection. What is your connection like with Jesus? How do you make sure your relationship is tight; so that when he is ready to shine through you, you are ready?

Once that valve is turned on, you have to be ready to allow him to work through you. As the process of this takes place, you have to check the rest of your seals or connections. In plumbing these are your tank seals and bolts. In your life this could be your relationships, friendships, work, hobbies and more. How are you keeping the seals tight for Christ in these areas?

The last connection is the Wax Seal; this is where the water exits and is forever on a different path. The wax seal is the biggest connection for the toilet. You have one chance to get it right, and if you don't, you have to get a new one a try again. This relates to your expression of Christ to others; how do you treat others and how are you displaying Christ in your attitude? You can allow him into your life, you can keep your seals tight by living for him; but you when the opportunity is there to serve or speak about him, and you have to make sure all your connections are tight. This is the Wax Seal; this is where Christ can shine through you the best. Sometimes you only have one chance to get it right with people, and you have to be ready. It's not to say you won't get another chance, but that first impression can make all the difference.

OK, so this may be a slightly odd example of living for Christ, but I do believe the point is made.

How are you keeping your seals tight?

What Are You Waiting For?

Why do you think, as men, we have such passion for the things we love to do?

Why do you think we have a drive that is sometimes unwavering and almost exhausting?

Why do you think God would make us the way we are?

Any thoughts? Any answers?

Sometimes I wonder why God calls me to do certain things that he would not have my wife, friends or even family do. I feel the power of his call deep within me and I have to respond. Like a good soldier; like a hard worker; like a faithful servant; I answer the call and move forward.


What if you don't answer the call? Is it something you just forget about or does God allow it to linger on your mind until you finally crack and do as you are told as mentioned above? God has his ways and he has amazing timing. Wait. Does God even have a time frame or a schedule for that matter. I tend to find myself using a line 'It's all in God's timing', but do you really find that to be true. Is it his timing or do we finally succumb to the call he has placed within our hearts? Does God work off time?

Can you remember when God worked out something great in your life? I can remember many times, even over the last few months where God made situations come to be. Maybe it was something you had been hoping or waiting for. Maybe it was something that you never expected, but when you received it or that 'special' something happened you know it had to be a gift from God.

How long will you question Him?
How long will you wait to finally find and discover Him?
What are you waiting for?

If God doesn't work off any time frame or zone, than the timing issue has obviously been placed in our busy hands. God's offer and truth is always there and always will be, but why do we keep checking the time or watching the clock tick the minutes away. Again, what are you waiting for? How much time do you spend on your bad habits, your tv shows, your false relationships with friends or something more. The thing that your searching can only be found... in God. Still waiting?

God warns us that He will come quickly and without warning. He offers us true life and a real love that we'll never experience here on this earth. Not with our family, not with any friends and not even with our spouse. The whole idea of love was made by God. If we are capable of believing and understanding that last idea mentioned, than your time and relationships will be so much more fruitful and meaningful. So you have to ask yourself the same questions I had to ask myself....

What am I waiting for?
What is holding me back?
What am I afraid of?
Well?

Start with these questions and begin your journey of finding the answers. Research it if you have to, ask for help if you want to, but don't go another day without giving your heart over to God and start experiencing the life you meant to always have. Don't delay.