10 Things I Have Learned from Fatherhood

As a new father of only 5 months, I have already come to learn the value and necessity of having a son in my life. Before he was born I thought that I had life all figured out. I was told by some of my close friends that life would change, but not having gone though it yet, I thought they were just trying to scare me. I was wrong.

At first it appeared life had changed for the worse; walking up in the middle of the night over and over again, a crying baby that I had no idea how to help and a sometimes frustrated wife that didn't want my help. I thought to myself, "What did I get myself into?". As time passed, my wife and I continued to work together and we were soon lean, mean, baby problem solving machines. Well, maybe not quite that...

In the aftermath of my wonderful first Father's Day, I came up with my top 10 things I have learned from Fatherhood, or top 10 things I have improved on in my life. Word it however you like.

1) Love My parents taught me about love, my wife showed me how to love, but my son has taught me about the strong bond of love. When it took months for me to realize I loved my wife, it took "first sight" to love my son. My love continues to grow for him each day and I pray daily that God would help me maintain that love for him and my wife. (1 Corinthians 16:14)

2) Value of Time  I can't count the times people have asked if the baby was sleeping well or if we've slept at all in the last week. I also wonder what my wife and I did with our time before we had our little guy. From late nights, to early mornings, to staying at home a lot more, I have learned that my time is passing and I want to spend it loving my wife and son to the best of my ability. It's a daily prayer to make sure I am not overly distracted.

3) Necessity of Patience  I really like to think that I was a patient man before our little guy, but after about a month of frustrating occurrences and small battles with my wife, I had to dig real deep and pray for more patience. God is always good and has helped me to become a more patient man. And don't think this is just at home, this patience shines in all that I do now. (Galatians 5:22-23)

4) Great Communication with my Wife  My wife and I were fortunate to be blessed with over 5 years of marriage before our son arrived. Through many ups and downs we were able to establish a strong sense of communication with each other. We discussed many times before our son was born that we were going to have to take this to the next level and we have. My wife is a wonderful mother to our son and we pray daily that God would help us be the very best parents we can be for our son.
(Ephesians 5:22-25)

5) Strong Protector  Being the protector of my family already fell into my role when I became married to my beautiful wife, but with a son, it has become an even stronger trait that I try to possess. From making sure he stays safe and comfortable at home, to making sure he is properly fed and spending quality time with him when I am home. I want my wife and him to know that they are in safe hands and that I will do everything to protect them. I pray daily, especially when I leave them alone, that God would protect our family. (Philippians 4:13)

6) Selflessness  Everyone one of us can admit that we were selfish and self indulged before a child came into our life. The weekends revolved around the wife and I, the dogs were no trouble when thrown in the kennel and we did what we pleased with our time. These days our schedule revolves around our little guy, and because of our deep love for him, this is not a problem and we are glad to it. This might be one that I need to pray about more. (James 4:6)

7) I am Blessed  Knowing that I have a great wife and a happy son, I am fully aware that I am blessed. As I seek prayer in each of the areas listed in this top 10, I make sure that I let God know how thankful I am for what he has blessed me with in my life. I have to stay aware that all of this could change at any moment and that I must continue to seek and rely on my God.

8) Teamwork (wife, family, friends)  As the time approached to have our baby, we knew we were going to need the support of friends and family. God has blessed us with some amazing people from our Church in our life and they were more than willing to help us out. I suppose through this, I learned to put a bigger value on their friendship and do a better job at making myself available and honor the relationship more consistently.

9) Fatherly Maturity  The story of Manturity continues to progress as I add the role of fatherhood to my life resume. The last few years have taught me the value and strength of having God in my life and maintaining a strong and healthy marriage, but fatherhood makes me want to know more about maturity. I firmly believe every man must mature and the path is very similar for all men. I pray that I can be the mature father my son needs me to be. (Proverbs 22:6)

10) God's Love  Our Church recently ran a series about God's love and I think it came at the perfect time in my life. As I could feel that I loved my wife and son more, I still wanted to know more about God's love and what it meant in my life. The verse at the end says that God is love and we must love as well if we are to know God. I can't say everything about this verse now, but knowing that God commands us to love makes me want to be a better man, greater husband and stronger father! (1 John 4:8)

Gents, I have only been at this for 5 months!

I would love to hear what fatherhood has taught you over your years. Share in the comments below!

It's Your Move

What if you were sitting on the edge of a chair and you had to make the hardest decision of your life? Maybe your head is in your lap. Maybe your eyes are closed and your chin is resting on the palm of your hand. Maybe you're against the back of your chair and you are relaxed in some odd way. If you were sitting on this chair, what would your position be? What would you be thinking about? It's your move...

-I can see an old man sitting in a weathered recliner who is coming close to the end of his days. He reviews his years of life and wonders if they were all worth it or not. He wonders if what they say about the after life is real or not.

-I see the young man sitting at the last seat of a bar, the night before his wedding. As his buddies throw back the drinks and have a blast; he considers what his life will be like tomorrow. He won't be at the bar with his buddies, he'll be with his life long partner that he vows to love forever. He wonders if marriage will be what he expects or not.

-I see myself sitting at the end of a hospital chair; awaiting the arrival of my first son. I can imagine my nerves being on edge, but having to stay calm and protected. I can see the feet of the people at the busy hospital moving past me, unaware of my thoughts. I wonder if I'll be able to be the father I hope to be or not.

And finally, I see opportunities. A new year almost always brings forth a new sense of excitement, but it might also be heavy with a lot of fear. I have many memories of the past six years or so and can think of all the new years. There are a few options to consider when starting a new year. Either you need to make some big changes to fix what you have done wrong or you need to stay consistent in the ways that have gone right. It's your move. Even if new changes come up, if things are going good overall then apply the similar ideas that are working. If there is anything we can take from the examples above it's this; stop worrying about your years past and move forward, enjoy the remaining years of your life. Of course life will change if you get married, but it will change for the good and make you a better person for it. And finally, have faith that the Father of all will teach you how to be a father to a little one. Overall keep a strong sense of FAITH in this new year. He is faithful and just, and will never give us more then we can handle.

"Be watchful, stand firm in the faith, act like men, be strong."  
-I Corinthians 16:13

What's your move this year?
Pray. Think. Act. And have a great New Year!

Boot Camp for New Dads

As some of you may know, my wife and I are expecting our first child come this January. We are very excited and also very nervous, or at least I am. We have been attending some pre-baby classes together that our hospital provided. Men, be sure to attend these classes with your wife and pay attention! No matter how good you are at changing oil or playing sports; this is a whole new ballgame. Get my drift?

Yesterday was my first "new dad" class. When we went to the hospital for the very first time months ago, there was a sign near the elevators with a pair of boots on it. I walked up to it and it read "Boot Camp for New Dads". I knew right away that this was a class I was going to need to attend. The program is sponsored by "First Things First Richmond"; a faith-influenced organization in the Richmond, VA area. 

The meat of the program comes from a national organization called "Dads Adventure" and they sponsor "Boot Camp for New Dads". It is the nation's largest program for fathers, operating in 260 communities across 43 states, the U.S. Army, Navy and Air Force, and expanding internationally. Click on some of the links to see what is available in your area or to start your own class!

I really had no idea what to expect going into this class. I wasn't sure if I'd be changing diapers or watching some videos of births, but I felt it was essential that I had to go. There were about 20-25 other "rookies" in the group and there were 3 veterans with babies onsite. At first I thought these men had just scheduled to come to the class a little too late, but I was wrong. The class was from 9am-12pm and each hour was very well rounded. We went around the room and introduced ourselves and it took off from there. 

• The first hour consisted of questions and topics led by the facilitator. He would ask the questions and the veterans would give their input on the topic and talk about their personal experiences. It was great to hear each one of them give their own opinions. They all had a slightly different take on how to do it, but they all worked. 

• The second hour consisted of one-on-one time with each veteran. We broke into 3 groups and had free reign to ask any questions. From what were absolute essential items; to what was their schedule like; to how they assisted their wife with the baby. This was great information. 

• The final hour consisted of what I'll call "straight talk" from another facilitator. He talked about the mother having the "baby blues" or depression and how to handle that. He talked a lot about crying babies and how we need to be very patient with them. And under NO circumstance are we to shake the baby! He mentioned safety tips; introducing the pets to the new family member; and baby CPR. Let's hear some of your best tips veteran dads. What worked for you?

Overall I was very impressed with the class. It was very professional and very well organized. They are able to pack a solid punch of information in a short amount of time. The veterans are the stars as they are hammered with question after question and handle it very well. I learned much more then I anticipated and walked away from the class feeling much more confident in my "new" daddy skills. As a point of mention, I want to say what my TOP THREE main things were as I walked away from the class. 

NUMBER ONE was communication. Communicate with the mother to be about as much as possible now and keep it up after the baby is born. It is absolutely essential!
NUMBER TWO was pre-planning. Pre-Plan now! Pre-plan before you head to the delivery room; before you allow visitors over; before you have family visit and more. This goes back to number one. 
NUMBER THREE was protection. You are the Protector and your wife is going to need you to step up! Whether it is helping her around the house; watching the baby and mother closely as others handle him; or making sure they are both safe and secure. It us your job to make sure this gets done! 

I look forward to going back as a veteran someday! Be sure to check out the website links above and support an awesome program!

So let's hear it veteran mothers and fathers. What is your best piece of advice you can offer rookie parents?