Resource Ready!

Over the recent and long holiday weekend, my wife and I had the pleasure of going back to our home town in Pennsylvania to be with our families. It was a great trip! When we are home we typically go to my wife's family's home Church. After hearing a solid sermon from the lead pastor, I proceeded to get my second cup of coffee. The cafe area was packed with people and I did my best to break through the crowd to get my precious coffee. As I was preparing the mix, I was approached by a man who started asking me about the Manturity blog. He was friends with my wife's family and had heard about it. I believe he also leads small groups for men at their Church. I told him where to find it and to share some thoughts on some of the topics. Towards the end of the conversation, a lady (also getting coffee) overheard us talking and asked excitedly what the blog was about. I told her it was a blog for establishing spiritual maturity in today's man. After saying this she went on to tell me that her husband was currently leaving her and she was going to be left raising their boy on her own. She asked if me if I had any advice or could help her out in any way. Although I was frustrated for a moment that a man was leaving his wife, his boy and the Church; I had to press on quickly to see if I could offer this lady some resources that would be effective and influential. (Can this situation verify that my coffee addiction is ok :) ?

With my wife by my side, I was able to share with her some very fruitful information. I first told her to keep praying for her husband and for her marriage, and don't stop! I then told her about a couple books that she should read. The first was 'Raising a Modern Day Knight' by author Robert Lewis. To be honest, I have never read this book, but it is on my list (especially now that I am having a son). But I have read the reviews, watched the book trailer and have reviewed the author. The second book I mentioned that I have read a couple times is 'The Way of the Wild Heart' or the updated book 'Fathered by God' by author John Eldredge. Both are the same book, but 'Fathered by God' is in paperback and is slightly shorter. I told her that this book describes that path to manhood from Boyhood all the way to the Sage. You can read my review of it here. I told her that these books talk about how a Father should raise a son, but if the Father is not around then the mother must read it. The lady seemed satisfied with the information and I pray that she gets the books and reads them. My wife was also able to confirm what I was telling the lady and even described some of the information to her. I always share what I read and learn with my wife and I can see that she takes it all in. It was great to have her confirm the message and be by my side through this experience. Although the experience went well, I was not completely satisfied.

I went from there asking myself if I was Resource Ready. Am I prepared for what people are going to ask me? Have I done my homework so that I can properly provide answers to those in need or with questions? Do you feel like your resource ready? If you were a man regularly attending church and was approached with something like this or something similar, what would you do? What would you say? This is important! This is part of being a good Disciple! I know we won't always have all the answers, but are we preparing ourselves the best we can? This idea has been on my mind ever since I encountered this. This has affected me enough to start building a new 'resources' page for Manturity; a place that goes through the stages of a man's life and provides resources for people to use. Check it out here! This is just another example of how God speaks to us, but we have to be listening. I heard Him and I'm responding!

Are you Resource Ready?
Share your story if you have ever encountered 

anything like this situation.

Desire in Marriage

As a man, I want to love her, but do I really know how to love her? Especially when times are difficult?

Before we get married, we are one separate being. We do things our own way and we desire the things in life that are pleasing and helping to ourselves. Before I said, 'I do', all I was use to saying was 'I want'. What I mean by this is that I did what I wanted. I didn't have to "do" too many things against my nature. When my wife and I were dating, the times together were free and very forgiving. We were able to look past the little quirks, the little things that actually annoyed us a lot. The only thing we wanted was to be together, but does anyone ever really know what their asking for when they take this step? Truth be told, God does and its all part of His plan. All these differences we find in our partner are actually things that will help us, as individuals, become a stronger and better person.

When we tied the knot, we said 'I do'. I DO promise to love you, I DO promise to take care of you, I DO promise to stay with you through the good and bad. I DO promise to desire you. The way we desired that person before is not going to be enough to make the marriage work and last. God has put the desire in us to find this special someone, but we ultimately don't know why. As we find out the different things about each other, we start to take a step back. What is that anger about? I never did things like that growing up! Who are you? The simple desires that brought us together have started to fade into the fog. We get caught up in the storms of life and we start to lose hope. In other words we lose our desire for that person.

The bottom line is we have to think about the desires that brought us together. We have to focus on the desires that keep us together now. And finally the desire to move forward together and get past the little issues. As John and Stasi Eldredge  write in their book 'Love & War'. "Because marriage is hard, the first great battle it to not lose heart. We must recover and maintain desire. Let desire return and remind you of all that you wanted, all that you were created for. "

How have you maintained desire in your marriage?

False Desires

I recently read an awesome book titled ‘Desire’, by author John Elderidge. The book is about the journey we must take to find our true desire. The next few blog posts are a small view inside the journey of desire from my perspective.

What would the average man say if you asked him what he desired? A few ideas might be sports, like football or golf. Maybe he would say ‘women’ and give you a full download of what he means and why. Maybe he would say success.  Maybe he would give you a blank look and wonder what in the world you were asking.

But, I wonder what the same man would say if you asked him ‘Are you happy?’ I imagine you would get a strange look, a rude comment or an obvious fake answer. If the word desire is in question, then the word happy has even less meaning.

The two of these questions go hand in hand with each other. The reason men are not happy, is because they are looking for desire in all the wrong places. Men spend their days at work hoping to rise in the food chain. Maybe working two jobs to try to get that “dream” house and affirmation. Men wrap themselves up in sports for weekends on end. Men go from woman to woman looking for that perfect one. They tell stories of their exterior beauty, and then say they got rid of her because she was crazy. These false desires or bad attempts at intimacy go round and round and round. The ‘desires’ are chased until they have lost their luster. Like young love, the initial tingle is gone and you move on to the next thing. The next “big” thing has the same results and you start to wonder about life and if there is even a purpose. Happiness becomes a lost word you hear once in a while from a stranger. The word itself is a stranger.

These false desire are merely addictions, and the Bible referes to them as 'adulterous'. They keep us from knowing our true desires. They keep us from knowing God.

So what are we to desire? How do we find it and make an attempt to understand it?

In the coming posts, we will discuss how to take Desire to the next level.

Please feel free to comment below and add your thoughts.