Showing posts with label languages. Show all posts
Showing posts with label languages. Show all posts

Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Language of Respect

Respect is an understanding, an agreement, a behavior, an attitude and more.

Understanding respect is essential. It is necessary in the workplace, in marriages, and in everyday communication with people. When people are placed in charge of us, we must respect them. We must learn what respect means to them and apply those concepts daily. We must apply them in an effort to form a habit out of the process. It will be the best thing to do for yourself, for your career and for your boss. When you say ‘I do’ to your spouse, you are signing up to learn respect. We must learn what respect means to each other and, even more, learn how to apply those particular principles. Since we know ourselves better than anyone, we must be able to openly communicate what our language of respect is to our spouse. This will assist greatly in truly learning to understand each other. Once these points are found, the habit of applying them can begin.

 Since the wife is designed to understand love better, we, as men, must have patience with our wife. It would be a great idea to make an agreement with your wife in regards to learning more about respect. In other words, you both agree to stop conversations when needed, in order to learn each others language of respect. For example, when your wife does something that is disrespectful to you. This can be the time that you stop and default back to the agreement. You can simply say ‘Let’s go back to the agreement. The situation or words spoken came across disrespectful to me.’ This type of agreement allows the situation to not get out of control, because the both of you are going back to the original conversation/ agreement. Any misunderstanding of the situation can be worked out at this point in a calm and understanding way. This same idea can be applied when the husband says something unloving or disrespectful to his wife.

When I referred to the word ‘calm’, I am referring to our behavior. Our behavior or attitude is also large part of respect. Keeping the situations at a calm level allow for better understanding, clearer judgment and true listening. When a situation arises that would call for the ‘agreement’, it is most likely not going to be an easy moment. Something happened that caused some tension or friction. We, as spouses or coworkers, have to be careful not to assume the worst about each other. Assuming the worst will bring about an immediate negative attitude. If we can assume the best, our behavior will stay positive and calmer. The conversation during the discussion will go smoother and the resolution will come quicker. If needed, paraphrase each others comments back to each other to allow for full understanding.

In ending, we all need to understand how to respect each other better. This can be accomplished by being aware of this and agreeing to tell each other when situations come up. And to keep a positive, calm attitude during the process. The benefits of learning each others language of respect can be life changing.

Saturday, August 20, 2011

Marriage Conference Day #2

This morning was the second day of Dr. Gary Chapman's marriage conference at the West End Assembly of God, in Richmond, Va. Yesterday he talked about 'The Five Love Languages' and the 'Five Languages of Apology'.

Todays critical marriage information was based out of his book 'The Marriage You've Always Wanted'. The main topic of the book is focused toward communication in our marriage. Communication is a necessity for a great marriage! Since we know ourself better than anyone else, we have to communicate what we like and don't like to our spouse.

Communication has to be a two way street in a marriage. This means a few things. We must be able to talk comfortably with each other. We must be able to clearly express what we are trying to say. And we must listen when the other person is talking. Are you listening yet? :) Sometimes its even a great idea to express your thoughts and have the other person paraphrase those thoughts back to you. This way you know your getting the right message across. Assuming is never a good idea.

We also discussed the topic of sex. Sex was created by God, and He even said it was very good. Notice that all the other days were good, but the day that male and female were created were really good. The culture has really taken its toll on this topic, but the Bible is very clear on the specifics of sex. Overall marriages need to keep a positive attitude on sex and keep the lines of communication open in this area. This should be an incentive to read the paragraph on communication again. Still listening?

Finally, we need to realize that marriage is a ministry. As Christ came to serve, so we need to serve. And we need to serve our spouse. The conference and the book go into a lot more detail on these subjects and many more. The experience was great and I would recommend this conference or any other marriage conference to married couples. Love accepts many imperfections. Thoughts?

Check out more information on Dr. Gary Chapman and his ministries.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/


Friday, August 19, 2011

Marriage Conference Day #1

Tonight was the first part of the marriage conference. The speaker was Dr. Gary Chapman, and the topics were the books 'The Five Love Languages' and 'The Five Languages of Apology'.

I know what your thinking, what is wrong with our marriage that we would need to go to a marriage conference. Well believe it or not, our marriage is stronger than it ever has been and continues to get stronger. But we can all learn new things about ourselves, our spouse, our marriage and God. So, as a couple, we take full advantage of marriage conferences and/or marriage classes.

The first topic of the night was based on 'The Five Love Languages'. The idea with the languages is that we all love in different ways. We mostly learn how to love from our parents. We would watch how they would talk to each other, do things for each other and just spend time together. When we finally find the love of our life, we have to learn the love language of our partner. Now, the first couple years may go great because of our young love. But after that time passes, we need to start to really learn about each other. We need to learn our spouses love language. The languages are these: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Discover which of these languages speaks most to your spouse and watch the transformation take place. Gary Chapman did a great job explaining these categories at the conference tonight, and goes into even more detail in the love languages book.

The other topic was 'The Five Languages of Apology'. Just as we grew up into a type of love language, we also grew up learning how to apologize. Apologizing is not the easiest thing to do, but is essential for our marriage to grow. Men must understand this even more as we tend to see apologizing as a sign of weakness. Most men grew up this way watching their Father, or have adjusted to the culture or male stereotype. What we don't realize is that apology is powerful and affective. As a couple we both have say sorry or admit we were wrong sometimes. None of us are perfect and we need to get this apology subject figured out for when we screw up. Notice I did not say 'if' you screw up, but 'when'. Gary Chapman has a book dedicated to learning these apology languages. I enjoyed hearing him speak about them and look forward to reading the book.

Tomorrow is day two of the conference. Check out these books when you get a chance. If you have read one or both of them, leave a comment and your thoughts. Thanks!

More information! http://www.5lovelanguages.com/