3 Maturity Lessons for Young Men

"Think Different". This was a wonderful slogan used by my wife's favorite technology maker, Apple. The great thing about this phrase is how relevant it is in our culture today. "Think Different" is exactly what the young men of this culture need to do and MUST do starting NOW. What are you waiting for? How about some guidelines?

As Christian men we must think different and I found the Apostle Peter to be a good example for us. No he did not have the technology we have today or the influence that comes along with all of it, but he did face many hardships and persecutions that we can relate to such as pride, lust, drinking and more.  

Towards the end of 1 Peter, we get a solid glimpse of what it means to be a mature young man and how we are suppose to carry ourselves. Follow along as we break down 1 Peter 5: 5-10.

BE SUBMISSIVE

Verse 5: "Young men, in the same way be submissive to those who are older. All of you clothe yourselves in humility toward one another, because, 'God opposes the Proud but gives grace to the Humble.'" Peter is specifically targeting the young men in this section and his first verse deals with submissiveness. Would you agree that young men think they are on top of the world? That they can conquer anything and that they know everything? I can agree that this is not every man, but this is certainly a large percentage of them. Peter directs us young men to stay submissive because God opposes the proud. In other words, cut out the pride and willingly submit to those above you.

A few other words associated with submissive would be patient, respectful, servant and compliant. As young men we are going to have to earn our stripes. We are going to have to keep our mouth shut when we don't want to and we are going to have to learn things by experience.

Pray that God would show and teach you how to be submissive to those in authority above you.

BE HUMBLE

Verses 6 & 7: "Humble yourselves, therefore, under God's mighty hand, that he may lift you up in due time. Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you." It appears that out of the three, humility is at the top of the list. Peter builds up this word three times over the span of these few verses. Peter is saying to stay humble under the protection and guidance of God and that after awhile and when you are ready, he will lift you up and make you a strong disciple. We must humble ourselves first and be open to his teaching before we can be released to do his work. 

Being humble also means we are not being proud or arrogant. We do not allow ourselves to be put on a pedestal of any type. We have an understanding that we are lower in rank or "second" to Christ and we, again, are courteous and respectful to those around us at all times. 

Pray daily that God would teach and show you how to maintain humility in your life.

BE SELF-CONTROLLED & ALERT

Verse: 8 & 9: "Be self-controlled and alert. Your enemy the devil prowls around you like a roaring lion looking for someone to devour. Resist him, standing firm in the faith, because you know that your brothers throughout the world are undergoing the same kind of sufferings." So we are to be submissive, humble and self controlled? Who teaches this kind of stuff anymore? I think we can all agree that no one is really teaching this to young men these days, but it is EXACTLY what they need to hear and it is EXACTLY how they need to act. Peter paints a wonderful picture of what the enemy is doing around us and how the enemy is just waiting. Waiting for us to make a mistake and give into sin. We must pull together as Peter says at the end of the verse and work together to defeat this enemy. Stay in contact with your friends in Christ, stay accountable and stay in prayer as we are all going through troubles. 

Pray that God would help you stay self-controlled and alert everyday! Pray for open eyes and an open heart!

And finally in verse 10, Peter says after we have had to suffer through the lessons mentioned above, God will restore us, make us strong and steadfast. It is our reward for being young men that truly "think different".

Stand Up and Think Different this week!

What other lessons can you add to this list?

10 Ways to Handle Social Media in Your Marriage

Never Get Defensive
If you need to defend, your probably in the wrong. Don't defend a virtual friend you never see over your spouse!

Unfriend Old Girl/Boyfriends 
Sure they might be your "EX", but you now have access to their every move. Do you really need to know what they are up to? Do you really need to see pictures of them in bikini's men? Don't ask your spouse if "it's cool" if you can be friends with them either.


Relationship Status
If your married, you better have it marked that your married. Another cool way to make it known is in your pictures that you post and you can write something good about your spouse or marriage once and awhile. This should help keep the "lookers" away.


Be cool with a page review
If your spouse has feelings of distrust and wants to look through your social media, let it happen. Don't lose or break the trust in your marriage over something as meaningless as your status updates.


Don't do it at all
I know a lot of couples that don't use social media at all and they have great marriages. Of course, we wont say anything about their overall tech knowledge, but again, this is your marriage and it should be very important to you! Talk it over with your spouse and find out if this would be the best thing to do.


Share Happy Photos
Have a great photo of the two of you? Put it up on your wall or keep it as your cover. Have a picture of your child or children? Throw that up on you wall every now and then. You should want to put out a positive message to the people that see you and follow you.


No Messaging with the opposite sex
Early in my marriage, I started catching up with some women I knew from years ago. I didn't think it was a big deal at the time until my wife started asking what I was doing. It was a big deal to her and it should be a big deal to you! Again, don't unnecessarily put yourself in bad situations. Keep the private messages for your spouse.


Combine Your Pages
I can't say I have done this personally with my spouse, but this might be a great way to stay connected with friends and family and not have to worry about who or what your doing. This would also send a positive message about your marriage!


Don't share issues!
What do I mean? Don't share issues that you are having in your marriage on your social media and then let your spouse find out. Marriage is all about great communication skills and with our growing culture of texting and updates, we are losing the one on one deep talks. Go to your spouse FIRST and work out whatever issues you are having. Don't seek your buddies advice that you haven't seen in 10 years...


Share Funny things with each other
I love to send my wife a funny pic, interesting message or new story on her wall. Not only does this show everyone that the two of you have great connecting skills, but it shows others that your marriage is strong and happy!




And that was only 10 ways! 

Share some ways you and your 
spouse handle the social media world.

A Letter To A Young Man

Dear Young Man,

I've seen you in Church a few times and thought you looked like someone new. I've also seen you at the entrance to the Church, making your way through the crowd and heading to your safe seat location or the other times I would see you throwing out some handshakes to a few men. All of those times you have been alone. With never taking the chance to speak to you, I felt compelled or almost called from the Lord to write you a letter. Trust me when I say this is not my normal pattern, but I've learned to listen when God speaks.

From my occasional glances around the Church crowd, I could tell that you were a man interested in what the preacher was speaking about each day. Clearly much younger than me, I can't help but think of myself when I was younger. To be honest, I probably would not have come to Church and I know I would not have looked as interested. If I was there, I was only there in the physical as my heart was never really in the whole Church thing.

OK, before I lose you and you start wondering why some dude has been watching you, I wanted to challenge you with a few things. I have been through those late teens and early twenties and can remember my cold and hard mind set. I tried to come across strong and confident, but could be broken easily. I was able to fight through many battles to get to where I am today, so hear me out.

My Question: Why do you come come to Church?
In my younger days I mainly went to Church because I simply had to. My earlier years consisted of my parents making me go, my times after that were related to my girlfriend going and the other times I would go out of guilt or a bad conscience. More recently after my marriage, I would go out of duty to my wife. Rarely did I ever go on my own, and those are times and years that I dearly regret. So I ask again, why do you go?

After years of knowing about Christ, the Church and his teachings; it took a thorough beating to get me to truly believe. It took years of struggle to finally believe in the old Bible stories, the amazing people and of course the life of Jesus Christ. I suppose my path in life let me get to this point, but I can't help wonder if things would have been better or different if I would have received a letter like this or if a man of maturity and respect would have grabbed me and shared his life story with me. I like to think I would have listened to him,  but I was very capable of putting on the "good show" without truly living the right life. Confidence is good, but life experience is hard to beat or deny. Again, why do you go?

My Opinion: Why go?
We are all traveling on a path; some paths are easier and some are harder. My suggestion is to stop wondering if Christ is there for you and ACCEPT that he is real and he is there for you. Church is a place of worship, of prayer, of relationship and so much more. Don't just go because you have to or feel guilty. Go because you want to learn! Go because you want to grow spiritually! Say a prayer while you're there for God to speak to you in amazing ways. Take the initiative now and get involved with other wonderful people from the Church. Meet someone new each time you are there.

You'll meet people that are kind and loving.
You'll meet brothers that are going through similar issues.
You could meet the woman of your dreams.
You could meet a best friend.
You could meet Christ and live a fulfilling life, for the rest of your life.

My friend, I pray that this letter meets you with a good heart. All of us together make a family and make the Church. For this reason, I hope to call you my brother some day. What you do with the letter from here is up to you. There is no pressure. Write me back, say hello or just keep living. Keep living for Him!

It will be worth it. I promise.
Your Brother in Christ...
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Do you know a man that might need a letter like this?
Have you ever taken the initiative 
with a brother you had not met before?
Share your thoughts or experience in the comments!

5 Tones of A Husband

Before my wife and I got married, we dated for about six years. Overall we had good communication, but we still had our issues here and there. After a few years of dating, we were hanging out at a little fair one night and our communication started to fail and the night started to get real sour, real quick. As she shut down more and more, I wondered what in the world I was going to do. Do I shut down? Do we call it a night and try to forget about this night ever happened? What do I do?

It was late and the night was already at its end, but I wanted to make her feel better somehow. We sat down on a lonely bench and didn't speak. I had won her a small, stuffed animal frog from a game earlier in the night; when things were going a little smoother of course. I'm not sure how it came to me, but I grabbed the frog and started speaking in a really cute, high pitched voice. I used the stuffed frog as the "decoy" and used this voice as my weapon of choice. After a few minutes of talking in this funny voice, she slowly started to smile. With a "win" in sight, I continued to pursue her. Within another few minutes she was laughing, the frog was a success and the voice became a favorite. God was truly looking out for me that night.

To this very day, almost 10 years later, I still use this voice as a way to make my wife laugh and win her over in "sketchy" situations. I'm not sure where the frog ended up though...


The main point is that we all have a tone. There are various tones that we can use to make each other happy, sad or angry. As your marriage progresses in years, these tones and our attitudes should mature so that we know when to use certain ones and when not to use others. With this in mind, I thought I would break down a Husband's tone into five categories. Feel free to add your own type of tones that has worked or not worked in your marriage in the comments.


Here are the 5 Tones of a Husband

The Regular
We know this voice as our "regular" voice. This is the tone that most people know us best by, the one you use the most and the one your wife probably likes the best. What do I mean "likes the best"? I can tell you that in any situation that requires a real discussion, my wife hates to hear me use any voice other then my regular tone. She doesn't want me to be funny, she doesn't need sarcasm, she wants the real me. Most of the time I will try the funny tone, but I will be quickly told, "I'm being serious"! I make the switch back quickly.

Remember that your regular Tone is the best extension of who you are; it is the most sincere, it is the most honest and it is the most trustworthy. Since we tend to use it the most, we must make sure we use it properly and protect its rights. Would you agree that your "regular tone" is your wife's favorite?
These are important points to remember as we start to explore the other tone options.

The Funny
This tone goes back to the story at the top of this post. I never planned on having this tone in my playbook, but God had other plans. I love to use this tone around my wife when we are messing around, having fun or if I get caught doing something stupid. This voice is a great way to get you out of sticky situations; at least it has been for me.

The real trick with this tone is confidence. Besides pulling this voice out for the occasional family member, this voice is specifically meant for my wife; although, I can see my four month old enjoying it in the near future. Don't be embarrassed when using this tone around her. This tone is meant to lighten up situations, to create some laughter in the marriage and keep you and your wife happy. Happy wife, happy life. Right gentlemen?

The Whisper
I call this the "whisper", but this can also be your soft tone. This tone is most often seen and used when your wife is having a bad day, when you walk up behind her and tell her how much you love her and of course in "intimate" moments. This is another tone that may require some confidence and experience. This tone most likely will pass on the feelings of love to your wife. Expressing LOVE to your wife in your tone is very important in your marriage relationship. She needs to hear this tone and the feelings that come from you along with it.

Men, don't be afraid to use this! There are numerous opportunities to use this tone, with these being a few of them. Get home from work, walk in the door, wrap your arms around her and whisper how much you love her. She prepped dinner for you, you ate it, you walk up behind her and tell her softly how much you loved the food and appreciate the effort she put into it. These are just a few quick ideas; I'll leave you to figure out more... The trick is softer than your regular tone, and more serious than your funny tone. Is the whisper tone in your arsenal?

The Angry
Yes, the angry tone. I would vouch to say that all men have this tone and are unfortunately quite good at using it. The question is do we know how to handle and maintain this tone? Upon first getting married, my wife and I found ourselves amongst a few heated battles. I had very little idea of how much damage my angry tone could affect her. The tone has a much deeper growl, usually followed up with intense eye and eyebrow action, and firm body language. This is far, far from the whisper tone and does not speak love.

This tone really doesn't take much confidence to pull off; in fact it's probably easy for you to do. Maybe, too easy. This one on the other hand takes maturity and self control. A man needs to learn what his trigger points are and discuss these points with his wife. It will also help if the wife doesn't intentionally set off those points. When these heavier emotions and tones are shifted into high hear, a man needs to quickly learn to gain control and tone down the situation. Realize that the REGULAR tone may be better suited until the situation can get under control. Are you able to control your angry tone?

The Silent
Yes, I titled this last tone as the "silent" tone. It's amazing that the worst tone a man could possibly use in marriage is, well, no tone at all. In a sense, this tone is a step above the "angry". This tone tends to come into play when a husband feels ultimately disrespected and no longer thinks his words matter in the situation. What tends to come from this? More silence. A husband could take this tone and go for days and days without speaking to his wife in any way or legitimate form. Sure hi's and bye's make it, but the depth is gone. This tone can be just damaging to a marriage, when just a real conversation in your regular tone could start the process of resolution.

I struggled with this tone a ton early in my marriage. I would do something wrong, my wife and I would go at it; I would bite my lip and listen. After my lip was sore and the conversation moved nowhere, I'd enter into silent mode and be stuck there for weeks. Men, this is not resolution and accomplishes nothing. Man up, speak up and lead your marriage to resolution. Can you relate to the Silent tone?


The 5 Tones of a Husband. What do you think?

Can you relate to each of these tones in your marriage? 

Share another tone or a situation in your own marriage!

photo credit: © itestro - Fotolia.com

Jesus Never Failed Me

I was recently challenged to share my testimony at my home Church. I felt that God was calling me to share my story of how Jesus never failed me. I shared my story there and now I share my story with you today.

In February 2007, my first wife left me. Needless to say, I was devastated and I blamed God for allowing me to feel so much pain. I got angry and started running away from Him by doing anything I could to help me feel better. I quit going to church. I was drinking every day. I hated Sundays because most bars were closed. I was with many women trying to fill the void that my ex-wife had left. I even cheated on a girlfriend because, even though she wasn't giving me any reason to think so, I assumed she was cheating on me.

People who knew me before said that I was a completely different person and for a year and a half, I just kept trying to please myself.

Fortunately, one summer day in June of 2008, God pressed this question on my heart, "Do you really want to live the rest of your life this way”? I instantly remembered that everything I was doing was a waste of time and that I would only find INSTANT satisfaction. The only way I would ever be TRULY happy again, was to re-dedicate my life back to Christ and allow Him to heal my broken heart. I didn't immediately stop doing the things that I was doing wrong. But over a period of several months, God helped me eliminate the things that were hurting my relationship with Him.

By January of 2009, I was feeling God’s healing as I was alright with being alone. I didn't "need" to have a girlfriend and I was enjoying the single life and depending on God for my happiness. Amazingly that same month, God introduced me to my current wife. For 6 months we hung out frequently, but I kept telling her that I couldn't date her because I needed to "be alone". June 4th, 2009, I felt like God was telling me that it was alright and that I was ready for a relationship. So I asked her if she was still willing to date me. We've been married since July 27th 2010.

God showed me His mercy by protecting me when I was running. He spared me and other people by keeping my car on the road when I was driving drunk. He kept me from diseases or having children with random women. And He saved me from Hell by dying on the cross for all my sins. NOW, He's showing me His Grace. He promises me eternal life with Him even though I'm far from worthy. He's blessed me with a beautiful wife, who pushes me every day to do more than just sit around and play games. He blessed me with an amazing step daughter when I re-married. He blessed me with an adorable daughter of my own just 15 months ago. He blessed me with a wonderful foster daughter 4 months ago. And just 2 days ago on April 10^th, 2013; He blessed me with my first son. He gave me the family I had desired all along, even though I had rejected Him out of anger for something He didn't even do.

We named our daughter Gianna Grace because Gianna means "God is gracious". And we named our son Micah Giovanni because Micah means "Who is like God”? The answer to the question is (emphatically) "NO ONE”!

This is my story.

JESUS HAS NEVER FAILED ME. AND HE NEVER WILL...

Share some ways that Jesus has never failed you.

Photo credit: © Paolese - Fotolia.com

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This was a guest post by a good friend of mine from High School. 
I recently saw his testimony posted on his Facebook 
and requested that he share it on the blog.

Tech Check

It's hard to fight off distractions on the computer when, for the most part, we have to be on them so much. At work we may have to sit behind them all day or for most of the day. Our Smartphone, for most, has become an extension of who we are therefore used more then ever before. Technology has been a huge blessing, but also a huge curse and how you use it might say a lot about who you are and what you find important.

How can technology be a blessing? We, as husbands can have almost instant access to our wife and our children. We can keep in touch with friends better and stay close to extended family. Letters might still be a classic and cool way of sending messages, but it's been a dying art of communication for years now. Things have gotten much faster, and we demand answers much faster. We can reach a wider audience for Christ. One lone person, say writing a blog, can impact thousands across the world with a simple tweet, Facebook message, or blog post. The men over at "Fearless Men" mentioned how much more efficient we are with all of this technology. There are wonderful things that tech has brought us and we should be thankful to be alive in a time like this.  How have you found technology to be a blessing in your life?

How is technology a curse? Impossible! Yeah, I don't think so. With instant access to so much, those relationships that we can stay in touch with the most can start to fall. How? Spending time with your friends and all just hanging out on the phone. Arriving at home to your spouse after a long day of work, sitting down on the couch and watching television for the rest of the evening or checking "status updates" all night. Because the latest updates on Facebook are more critical than your relationship with you wife...?? Easy access to whatever you want to look at, whenever you want. This can get ugly. Men, we must keep our minds pure and our desires on Christ! How about dependency? Have you ever had your cable go out, your computer breakdown or your phone screen crack? What do you do? How do you feel? Completely helpless? If so, you are too dependent on your tech and maybe it's time for a break... Don't worry, I am guilty on every charge brought up. So how have you found technology to be a curse?


What to do?

SET BOUNDARIES
Sounds simple enough, but you have to first be willing to take that step and then follow through consistently, over and over and over again. This is part of discipline, this is part of growing in maturity and this is essential to understand on your quest to true manhood. Have set nights where you and your wife turn off the phones, TV, pads or whatever and spend actual quality time together. Do a devotional. Pray together. Get creative...

Having trouble staying honest and pure on your devices? Again, set boundaries. If you feel the urge coming to view things you know you shouldn't, don't give in! I repeat don't give in. By this time you probably know your weak spots, so have a plan in place. Plan to go running, open up your Bible, turn off the device or pray. Be ready, don't play dumb and act surprised. Check out the some of the powerful resources from the Men at XXXCHURCH.com. Know your boundaries!


SET REMINDERS
At the end of each month I have a reminder to off on my phone and computer. For three days, I’m reminded why I need to stay consistent, what my boundaries are, why I don't want to go back to my old ways and why I want to stay faithful to my wife and Christ. Again, this goes off every month. 

You can do this too on your phone, work computer or something. Set up a daily reminder to pray. Setup a weekly reminder to read your Bible and set up a monthly reminder to remind you of what's most important and why! Share a calender with your wife and have set times to do a devotional. Every Thursday night maybe? No TV Tuesday night possibly? Just try it. Keep the tech a blessing!

Remember a good soldier is always ready for Battle. A great Pastor is always ready for the Sunday message. And a good, honest, mature Christian man is always ready to defeat the Enemy. 


Have you had a Tech Check lately?
Maybe you should.  

Share what has worked for you or if you need a checkup.

photo credit: © alphaspirit - Fotolia.com

GRACE

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” - 1 Peter 5:10.

I am by no means a perfect man. Some days it would be hard to call me good. I have my daily struggles. Some days I come out on top of those struggles, some days I don’t. But by the grace of God, I am able to get up every morning and start another day anew.

How I have come to know Christ hasn’t been very spectacular. There haven’t been any near death experiences, any major crises that opened my eyes to the Lord. It has been more of a slow build up. Like God has always been there, just waiting for me to make the turn toward him. And I believe that he has always been there, watching me make mistake after mistake, seeing me miss clue after clue. Each time he has shown me the kind of grace that can only come from the Lord himself.

Like it says in 1 Peter, “…after you have suffered a little while…” we will be restored by his grace. Like I said before, I haven’t had to suffer very much. I have been incredibly fortunate to be brought up in a home with loving parents who are still together. I am happily married to the love of my life and my best friend. Life has been pretty good to me. So the suffering that is talked about in that verse, at least for me, has been internal. I’ve always known about God. I was raised in the church. But I had never really known him. And at a certain point in my life, I think I was about 21 and getting close to graduating from college, I could tell that something was missing. I would come home on weekends and go to church with my parents and just sit there thinking, “Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel empty?” And after struggling with these feelings for months, God showed up in the form of a guy. This guy had come to our fraternity chapter meeting saying that he worked for the campus ministries program and he wanted to start a small bible study with anyone in my fraternity who was interested. Needless to say, this had “work of the Lord” written all over it. So I decided to jump in. And when I did, it was like my eyes had been opened for the first time. He told us that being a Christian is more than just going to church, being a nice guy, and following the rules. To be a follower of Christ means having an active, fulfilling relationship with him, and that the Lord wants us to pursue him and to love him as he pursues and loves us.

And it was then that the void that I had began to fill. I realized that no matter how much I screwed up, he will always love me. That if I would confess my sins to him, he would forgive me. And to know that there is someone who loves me that much, someone that shows me that much grace…it makes serving him on a daily basis that much easier.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am not a perfect man. None of us are. And we must strive to become more like him every single day. We must strive to be better friends, better husbands, better fathers, and better men. And without the grace of God, we’re dead in the water. It is a daily struggle, but with the Lord on our side, there is nothing that can defeat us.

How did you come to know Christ?

Was it a slow build or a sudden jolt?

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This was a guest post by Caleb Reeves. 

Caleb lives in Spanish Fort, AL. He spends his time with his beautiful wife and two dogs, doing as much fishing as possible and living life one day at a time. He is taking each day as an opportunity to become a better man of God.