Friday, June 15, 2012

1 look, 2 look, 3 look, More!

I've read the articles about men and their problem with lust, adultery and more. I've experienced the fall myself and have heard of and seen many men fall into dark traps that deal with these issues. But where does it stop? Can it be stopped? And how? 

 The idea with the title is simple. It all starts with that first look. The first look, in my opinion, happens by chance or by the turn of the head. But the web really begins with that second look. Once that second look happens, your web starts to grow. You somehow allow or convince yourself that what is happening is 'suddenly' acceptable. This look is more involved and takes in a lot more information; height, weight, skin, etc. This, of course, allows that greedy third look at her. This may not be at the same moment as the first few looks, but it may happen shortly thereafter or maybe the next day. The third look is intense and convincing. This is the look that causes a married man to question his marriage. This is the look that opens your heart up and allows the little pieces of her to slowly seep in. This is the look that leads to the final stage which is 'more'. More is of course the most dangerous and can cause the most damage. More ends marriages. 'More' makes you do irrational things and makes you loose your typical senses. More is you completely tangled in a large, well built web that is difficult to get out of leads to big problems.

Life is certainly a tangled web that we have to crawl through each day. I always refer back to the enemy, because I truly believe that he inserts that female at the right moment, knowing that we'll be attracted just to test us. Just to see if he can start the process of the 'looks'. Once he can work his way into your heart, the process begins. This is simply a sport to the enemy and he is always looking for new players.

I say all this because I have been there, still fight the battle with the enemy and have found ways to cure it. The curing process is not easy and not always a fast process, but it is a process that needs to start now. It doesn't matter what stage of 'looks' you are on or how deep you are in, you have to begin to heal. The first step to healing is CONFESSION. I know, this is not the first nature of a man to admit that he is or was wrong, but that is the first step. Confession is a two step road. The first one is to find a friend. Find a friend from Church or just a friend that you can trust and open up your heart. Tell him everything that has happened or even fears of what you think will happen and be completely honest. A good friend will not judge at this point, but should aim to simply listen and advise if possible. Maybe you know of someone who has been through these issues and made it through? This would be a great person to talk to. Set up a personal meeting with your pastor and work it out with him. There are a lot of options to consider in this process, but you have to be WILLING to take the first step. The second part is to confess your sins to Christ. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and He knows. Ask him for his guidance and assistance and continue to ask him daily. Ransomed Heart, led by John Eldredge, has an awesome Prayer for Sexual Healing. Read this, study it, and pray it each and everyday and watch the amazing power of Christ heal you and your life. 
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. -James 1

Wednesday, June 6, 2012

What Are You Waiting For?

Why do you think, as men, we have such passion for the things we love to do?

Why do you think we have a drive that is sometimes unwavering and almost exhausting?

Why do you think God would make us the way we are?

Any thoughts? Any answers?

Sometimes I wonder why God calls me to do certain things that he would not have my wife, friends or even family do. I feel the power of his call deep within me and I have to respond. Like a good soldier; like a hard worker; like a faithful servant; I answer the call and move forward.

What if you don't answer the call? Is it something you just forget about or does God allow it to linger on your mind until you finally crack and do as you are told as mentioned above? God has his ways and he has amazing timing. Wait. Does God even have a time frame or a schedule for that matter. I tend to find myself using a line 'It's all in God's timing', but do you really find that to be true. Is it his timing or do we finally succumb to the call he has placed within our hearts? Does God work off time?

Can you remember when God worked out something great in your life? I can remember many times, even over the last few months where God made situations come to be. Maybe it was something you had been hoping or waiting for. Maybe it was something that you never expected, but when you received it or that 'special' something happened you know it had to be a gift from God.

How long will you question Him?
How long will you wait to finally find and discover Him?
What are you waiting for?

If God doesn't work off any time frame or zone, than the timing issue has obviously been placed in our busy hands. God's offer and truth is always there and always will be, but why do we keep checking the time or watching the clock tick the minutes away. Again, what are you waiting for? How much time do you spend on your bad habits, your tv shows, your false relationships with friends or something more. The thing that your searching can only be found... in God. Still waiting?

God warns us that He will come quickly and without warning. He offers us true life and a real love that we'll never experience here on this earth. Not with our family, not with any friends and not even with our spouse. The whole idea of love was made by God. If we are capable of believing and understanding that last idea mentioned, than your time and relationships will be so much more fruitful and meaningful. So you have to ask yourself the same questions I had to ask myself....

What am I waiting for?
What is holding me back?
What am I afraid of?

Start with these questions and begin your journey of finding the answers. Research it if you have to, ask for help if you want to, but don't go another day without giving your heart over to God and start experiencing the life you meant to always have. Don't delay.

Friday, June 1, 2012

A Husband Cleaves

Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, 
and shall CLEAVE unto his wife: 
and they shall be one flesh. Genesis 2:24

This is an interesting topic for today's culture. First of all, the word cleave is not a common word anymore therefore is not very well known. The Bible refers to this word in two different forms, which are to separate or to join. I thought this was an interesting pairing, but learned that they kind of work together. Some other similar words are: unite, draw together, joined or glued. This idea of cleaving was brought up in the first book of the Old Testament, but it was also brought up again in the first book of the New Testament. Mathew 19 reads; "at the beginning God made them male and female. For this reason a man shall leave his Father and Mother and be UNITED to his wife, and they shall become one flesh. They are no longer two, but one. What God has joined together, let no man separate."

Where to start? Being a man in my late twenties, I have seen the breakdown of the twenty something male. I have men in my family and know friends that seem to be forever in their teens. They depend on Mom and Dad to support them, house them and feed them. Most parents appear to have no problem with this because it is happening more and more. The problem is the boy never becomes, a man. He becomes so dependent on his parents that he does not grow up, he does not mature and he does not become "husband" material. 

My personal experience occurred in my own marriage. I had, and still have, a great relationship with my mother. One of the things that helped me was that I moved away from home for college and moved farther away from home after college. I got married shortly after college and moved in with my lovely wife. I didn't understand why there was this underground tension between my wife and my mother. Every time my mother called or needed something I would jump on it. I thought this was of no issue, but my wife always had an issue with these occurrences. This would inevitably cause a fight to break out and things would go down hill from there. I didn't understand why this kept happening. Don't get me wrong, you should maintain a healthy relationship with your mother, but you are now a married man and your responsibility is now to be aimed at your wife. She is the one you need to start to confide in; she is the one you need to talk to things about and she is the one who needs to learn to support you. I had to learn this early on in my marriage and I'm glad that I did, because it saved our marriage a lot of heartache. When I heard the verses above and really understood the meaning of them, it changed the way I treat my mother and my wife. It changed my marriage. 

Ultimately this idea applies to both partners. Both spouses need to get use to the idea of depending on each other rather than their parents. This is not the easiest thing to accomplish, especially early on in marriage, but is absolutely essential. It will teach you and your spouse work out issues together, make big decisions together and make you a stronger couple.  

Are you willing to be a husband or wife that cleaves?

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