Friday, June 15, 2012

1 look, 2 look, 3 look, More!

I've read the articles about men and their problem with lust, adultery and more. I've experienced the fall myself and have heard of and seen many men fall into dark traps that deal with these issues. But where does it stop? Can it be stopped? And how? 

 The idea with the title is simple. It all starts with that first look. The first look, in my opinion, happens by chance or by the turn of the head. But the web really begins with that second look. Once that second look happens, your web starts to grow. You somehow allow or convince yourself that what is happening is 'suddenly' acceptable. This look is more involved and takes in a lot more information; height, weight, skin, etc. This, of course, allows that greedy third look at her. This may not be at the same moment as the first few looks, but it may happen shortly thereafter or maybe the next day. The third look is intense and convincing. This is the look that causes a married man to question his marriage. This is the look that opens your heart up and allows the little pieces of her to slowly seep in. This is the look that leads to the final stage which is 'more'. More is of course the most dangerous and can cause the most damage. More ends marriages. 'More' makes you do irrational things and makes you loose your typical senses. More is you completely tangled in a large, well built web that is difficult to get out of leads to big problems.

Life is certainly a tangled web that we have to crawl through each day. I always refer back to the enemy, because I truly believe that he inserts that female at the right moment, knowing that we'll be attracted just to test us. Just to see if he can start the process of the 'looks'. Once he can work his way into your heart, the process begins. This is simply a sport to the enemy and he is always looking for new players.

I say all this because I have been there, still fight the battle with the enemy and have found ways to cure it. The curing process is not easy and not always a fast process, but it is a process that needs to start now. It doesn't matter what stage of 'looks' you are on or how deep you are in, you have to begin to heal. The first step to healing is CONFESSION. I know, this is not the first nature of a man to admit that he is or was wrong, but that is the first step. Confession is a two step road. The first one is to find a friend. Find a friend from Church or just a friend that you can trust and open up your heart. Tell him everything that has happened or even fears of what you think will happen and be completely honest. A good friend will not judge at this point, but should aim to simply listen and advise if possible. Maybe you know of someone who has been through these issues and made it through? This would be a great person to talk to. Set up a personal meeting with your pastor and work it out with him. There are a lot of options to consider in this process, but you have to be WILLING to take the first step. The second part is to confess your sins to Christ. None of us are perfect, we all make mistakes and He knows. Ask him for his guidance and assistance and continue to ask him daily. Ransomed Heart, led by John Eldredge, has an awesome Prayer for Sexual Healing. Read this, study it, and pray it each and everyday and watch the amazing power of Christ heal you and your life. 
"When tempted, no one should say, "God is tempting me." For God cannot be tempted by evil, nor does he tempt anyone; but each one is tempted when, by his own evil desire, he is dragged away and enticed. Then, after desire has conceived, it gives birth to sin; and sin, when it is full-grown, gives birth to death. -James 1


  1. Third Day in "Slow Fade" describes exactly what you're talking about. "Be careful little eyes what you see. It's the second glance that binds your heart as darkness pulls the strings."

    I'm so glad my husband and I "stumbled" upon your site. I think God had a hand in it.

    I just confessed today (with my husband's permission) his 20+ year addiction to pornography and my resulting affair that lasted 7 years. Thank you for the work you are doing.

    1. Confessed in my blog I meant...

    2. Jamie, thanks for checking out the Manturity blog! I did not even realize the Third Day song was so similar, maybe I'll add a link to it. Sounds like you two have a powerful testimony. God has worked out some amazing issues in my marriage as well. I believe He can heal any marriage, if the marriage is willing. I look forward to future discussions and checking out your blog!

    3. It's not a Third Day song. It's by Casting Crowns.

  2. We are all faced with temptations. Temptations becomes sins when we give in to them. Thanks for this post. God bless you.

  3. Good advice, practical and wise. I'm not married (yet) but I'm looking forward to it! And your analysis of the "fall process" corresponds with my own unfortunate experiences. Guess I need to learn to tear my eyes away.

  4. Great thought and of course good advice I've ever read. I'm still single and upon reading your post it will be a great help for me in the near future. Thanks God that I found your blog.