Pier Pressure

Everyday we have to wake up and face the challenges of the day. Amongst the many topics discussed in the Manturity series of Influence, the challenge to stand up to and face other men is inevitable, at least for me. I work in construction, building commercial buildings, and for the most part men are the workers. These are a unique set of men and personalities that I have to deal with on a day to day basis, it's part of earning that paycheck. If there is one thing I learned about a year ago, it's that I do not have to take on their identity. I do not have involve myself in their immature, senseless and revolving conversations or influence. I can make the choice to walk away or stay and be "part of the group". I know that I can not change these men, but I can be mature in my decisions around them.
I like to think of this as the work pier. Work piers were made to for one reason. To get the men and the material to the ship. They were not built for pleasure, they were not build to look pretty, but they were made to get the job done. They were designed for work. And like most of us, we have to walk that work pier everyday. Is it something we want to do? Probably not, but it is something most of us have to do and do the best we can.

2 Chronicles 15:7 'Be ye strong therefore, and let not your hands be weak; for your work shall be rewarded.

When I am not at work, I get to enjoy the company of good friends and work colleagues. This is a different group of men that I more less choose to be around. They are friends from Church or friends that are my age at work and men of true strength. This is also a unique set of men. We still have to be careful how our friends  influence us, but hopefully that is happening in a positive way. The conversations are generally more interesting, exciting, funny and clean. I know these men on a deeper level and is a sense, know their heart.
Proverbs 15:13 says 'A merry heart maketh a cheerful countenance; but by sorrow of the heart the spirit is broken. These are the men that you can share your high and low points with. These are the men that you put your trust into and depend on, these are men of resolution.
This is what I call the pleasure pier. Pleasure piers are made pretty much the same way the work piers are made, but they are built for comfort, enjoyment and rest. This type of pier might get built in a scenic area or might get built for fishing. Either way they are a shelter, a vacation, a getaway from the craziness of life. After a long day, it's nice to get off the work pier and enjoy some time on the pleasure pier.

Proverbs 18:24 says 'A man that hath friends must shew himself friendly: and there is a friend that sticketh closer than a brother. 

Some of us are forced to walk the work pier everyday, but don't forget to walk the pleasure pier also. Jesus is such an amazing example of a good friend and fellow brother amongst His disciples. If we are pursuing to be like Christ everyday, than our friends, attitude and life will show it.

How do you find a balance between the work and pleasure pier?

The Way through the Fog

I have woke up the last few mornings and found the weather, well, foggy. It's still dark, I jump in my car and head off to work. The fog brings a different attitude than just the typical chilly morning. It requires me to be more aware, more alert of what is going on around. The visibility levels are much lower and the chances for an accident are increased. As I head down the highway, I look up into the tall road lights and there nothing but a distant blur. The closer I get to them, the more clear they become, but just like that they are gone. The fog gets even worse as I near the city, this is mainly because of the river that runs through it. It reminds of living in the country when I was younger. The night would be foggy, but when an opening or a clear in the woods arrived, the fog became really heavy. But beyond the effects of actual fog, I can't help but think of the fog we can get stuck in.

How often in life do we find ourselves in a fog? Caught up at work and no time for family. A couple small lies spiral into a large lie. Fighting in your marriage and can't find a way out. When the fog is heavy, we are more likely to hit the deer. How can we fight through the fog in our life and stay on the straight and clear path? I have a few ideas and would love to hear yours!

1) Turn on your lights! Just like we do when we first get into the car when the fog is heavy, we have to keep our lights on. We have to be careful to not get stuck in the darkness. The Enemy lives in the dark and is impatiently waiting for his prey, us.

2) Stay Alert! I am usually pretty alert when I am driving, but the fog makes me extra alert. I know that people are still anxious get to where they are going and not paying attention. It's important to always be on alert when we go throughout our day. We can so easily get caught up with the drama of coworkers, family and friends. The drama in their life does not need to be the verdict on ours!

3) Take it slow! Driving through the fog usually means going at a slower speed. Don't get so caught up in your day that you forget to breathe. I will sometimes read a chapter of my current book at lunch, or go for a short walk. Maybe text my wife to see how her day is going. Sometimes it is just good to stop and put things into perspective.

4) Have Faith! Navigating through the fog is hard, but keeping the above ideas in check will make the journey to your destination easier. Keeping grounded in faith is so important in life. We're going to face trouble and there are going to be patches of fog here and there, but we must remain faithful. There is always a higher power and plan at work and we must believe it, even in The Fog.

A Man Like Christ

This year has been nothing short of a process. From struggling with who I was and almost having my marriage fall apart, to realizing the my own black selfishness. I had to go down to the bottom of a deep, dark pit in order the see the pure light of Christ. I know, now, that He put me down in that pit for a reason and that the reasons would reveal themselves over time. Christ showed me a way out of the pit and asked me to walk along with Him and just listen. Over the course of this year, I can look back and see the path He has taken me on. And like Christ, the journey has been anything but ordinary.

We are to be like Christ, but what is it to be like Christ? I didn't realize, at first, that this was the question I have been asking ever since He first took me by my heart. The earlier months of the year went something like this. Desire. I kept hearing the word desire and I had no idea why. But, everyday the word just kept coming and it only got louder. If you have been following Manturity for a little while now you will know about my series on Desire. I came to realize that because I started walking with Christ, I had actually started to 'delight' in Him. (Psalm37:4). I came to realize that life wasn't about my own selfish desires, but rather it was about asking God what I desired. I went from praying 'what do I desire God?' to 'what would You have me desire God?'. That shift made a massive difference in my view on desire. It put desire in perspective and made me less interested in the meaningless things and more interested in the meaningful things. I also began to realize that I wanted to be a true Man of God, or a Man Like Christ.

In continuing my desire to be a man more like Christ, I moved my focus to 'influence'. I really didn't understand this shift at first, but I went with it anyway. I began to think about the ways things influenced my life, behavior, emotions and so on. I wrote about music, friends and work. But God was saying more, He wanted me to take the idea of influence and persuasion further. I didn't understand what He meant by 'further' till more recently. See, Jesus had a style that he did life different than anyone that has ever lived. Jesus never said the "normal" thing and never responded in a general way. He always had a reason behind His motivation. He had a way of making people think and challenged people to do the right thing by their own means. He could be in the toughest of situations where there seemed to be no way out and He would simply surprise everybody. His style of influence is enchanting to say the least.

If I truly desire to be more like Christ, than I need to know his personality. John Eldredge's newest book, Beautiful Outlaw, couldn't come at a better time. This book gets into the wild personality of the risen Christ. I also started reading another book called 'Split Second Persuasion'. This is not a Christian author, but it gets into the origins of persuasion and influence. I am only a few chapters into each book, but they go together in a great way. Lessons from Jesus Christ himself and a hard look at how God designed influence in us since birth.

When I saw the path in the distance, God pointed to the path of desire. And in going down that path I have seen the fruits along the way of making Him my desire. But God demands more of us. As the path of desire is conquered, I can see in the distance the path of influence. The path to the deeper understanding of how to lead and speak like Christ. The path of desire was made of soft grass with only a few hills. But I have already started on the rocky, more rugged path of the personality of Christ. This is what it takes to be a Man Like Christ. To continue to seek more, to continue to work harder no matter the challenge set before you.

Our God is a God of Process.....

Disconnected

It’s amazing how disconnected I can be in such a “connected” world.

As my wife and I drove through the mountains of northern Georgia this past weekend, we couldn’t help the feeling of being disconnected. I’d think of something to tweet or want to check my email only to find no connection and see the “Searching” word in my top bar of my phone. After this happens a few times frustration starts to set in and I tell myself I can try again in a few minutes. It’s also at this point that I realize how dependent I am on being connected to meaningless things and how disconnected I am to God.

I take my phone and set it aside. Instead of having my mind flooded with ideas, updates, and other small dramas. I sit back and connect to God’s beautiful creation. The leaves are turning wonderful colors of orange, red and yellow. The mountains were all around us and went on for as far as I could see. I turn to my wife and see her smile and I smile back. Now, I am truly connected to what matters.

Make time to disconnect from the craziness of this world and connect to the beauty that God has waiting for you. It’s all around us, just look!

THE HERO!

A warrior of special strength, courage or ability!

Ask someone who a hero is and you will probably get a variety of answers. The most obvious answers might come in the form of Batman, Superman, Spiderman, etc. These are of course all fictional characters that perform superhuman acts via computer technology. Some of them have super strength, they fear nothing and nobody and their abilities surpass comprehension. Many of us go to the theaters and watch these “hero’s” perform and amaze us. I don’t know about you, but I leave those movies feeling more like a zero than a hero. (bad line, sorry).

So the question is ‘What does the real hero look like and what are some qualities that make up the form of a hero?” The movies influence us in a way that is unrealistic. The actors on these movies perform acts that we would never be able to do in real life. As a young man, living in a confused culture, I want to be the hero. I want to be a man of real strength, real courage and have special abilities. But what do those look like in a realistic way? How can we define the ‘True Hero’ living in the world today? Here is my opinion. I hope to hear what yours are also.

>Special Strength: Strength is defined as moral power, firmness and courage. Moral power? I thought this was a great definition. Another way to look at moral power is maturity or the ability to allow you’re self to mature. It is so easy to fall into the false influences of this world, but it takes strength to overcome and rise above them. Strength knows what love is and what it takes to maintain. It’s keeping your cool in tough situations at work. It’s spending time with your kids rather than the television.

>Firm: True strength is being firm. Firmness in what you believe and say. I believe the examples of strength portrayed in the Bible are the best examples to still follow today. The world does not think this way, though they will try to influence us with the new ways. We have to hold firm, we have to be strong. We need to continue to keep the values that have made life worth living. Examples: Although my company might have a value system, the workers may not. We must set the example and be the bigger man when we are faced with immoral decisions. We must maintain integrity and demand it from everyone else. We must teach our children discipline and be consistent.

>Ability: Unlike the super hero moves in the theaters, we have the ability to be a true hero. This starts with a choice; a choice to be intentional in our leadership and decisions. A great way to hold this ability is to ask God for assistance. He has helped so many real heroes in the past and is just waiting to help make us a hero. Our spouse wants us to step up and be the confident hero, our kids look to us as giants coming home to save the day and people around us need a real man, a real hero. This process will not be easy and will take time, patience and prayer.

Its time for men to be ‘The Hero’.

Comment about your hero or what a hero is to you!
photo from: http://www.getnewlife.org/

Music and it's Influence

The impact of music is everywhere in this culture. The age of just settling for what the radio played is long gone. The time of waiting for an artist’s new ‘compact disc’ might be remembered, but is quickly fading. The rise of MP3 music files, and many more file types, has made music accessible with great ease. And of course the inventions of the iPods and iPhones have revolutionized the whole process (rest in peace Steve Jobs). The industry has become wildly more popular and shows no signs of slowing down.

Because this is such a huge industry, it has a giant influence on people. Artists are full blown stars, popular songs top the radio charts, and some gain a cult like following. We are influenced by the singers, by the beats and especially by the words.

For example, have you ever had a bad day and put on a song that helps you get through that bad day? I use to like new alternative rock music. It seemed to fit my style and I always liked the beats. What I came to find out was that I liked the words and the singers also. Ever find it interesting how easy it is to memorize the words to a song. Now just imagine reading those same words, do you think they would have the same influence? Interesting….  The more I listened to this type of music, the more I realized the power it had over me. I had to hear certain songs after a long day, I had to hear certain songs when I was feeling down and I had to hear them as quickly as possible. The sooner I could listen, the quicker I would feel better. Strange?

Don’t get me wrong, I love music and listen to it everyday. But I have changed who I listen to and why I listen to it. For the most part I play music that has no words, otherwise known as Electronic or classical. I have found this music to still have a great beat, but I don’t have to worry about the words or the message trying to be expressed. I can have my own agenda in my head and work out my own thoughts. I still listen to music with words on occasion, but it is certainly not my first option.

Control your music, don’t let it control you!

Have you found this to be true? What are your thoughts on the influence of music?

A Resolution for Desire

It's time for resolution! A Resolution for Desire..

September has been a month of researching and discovering more about the word desire. What the word means to us, how to understand it, the pressure of it and its place in relationships. In so many parts of our lives, we can attach the word desire.

But I want to maintain a true desire in all parts of my life. I want to make a resolution to keep my desire in line with God’s plan. So what is a resolution or what does the word mean?

Resolution or Resolve:

- to find an answer to

- to make clear or understandable

- to reach a firm decision about

Psalm 37:4 gives a clear definition on how to find your true desire. How? We must “Delight ourselves in the Lord”. In going back to the definitions, I would say that this is a good answer on how to find desire. The last part of the verse makes things clearer or more understandable by saying “And He (God) will give you the desires of your heart”. So this one verse has helped me find the resolution to desire. And finally, I am able to make a firm decision about my resolution of desire, because God has clearly shown me.

We need to do better than just understanding the word desire; we need to make a resolution to live it out in our lives according to God’s word and design. It’s easy to talk about desire, once you have a better understanding, but we are called to live it out. What an opportunity! The false desires of this world can be so loud sometimes. The enemy knows our hearts and tempts us with things that are passing away. But God has revealed to us our true desires. It’s time to take a step of faith, a leap of courage, and get our desires in line!

Resolve to be a man of true and Godly desire.

Find more resolutions HERE.

Desire in Marriage

As a man, I want to love her, but do I really know how to love her? Especially when times are difficult?

Before we get married, we are one separate being. We do things our own way and we desire the things in life that are pleasing and helping to ourselves. Before I said, 'I do', all I was use to saying was 'I want'. What I mean by this is that I did what I wanted. I didn't have to "do" too many things against my nature. When my wife and I were dating, the times together were free and very forgiving. We were able to look past the little quirks, the little things that actually annoyed us a lot. The only thing we wanted was to be together, but does anyone ever really know what their asking for when they take this step? Truth be told, God does and its all part of His plan. All these differences we find in our partner are actually things that will help us, as individuals, become a stronger and better person.

When we tied the knot, we said 'I do'. I DO promise to love you, I DO promise to take care of you, I DO promise to stay with you through the good and bad. I DO promise to desire you. The way we desired that person before is not going to be enough to make the marriage work and last. God has put the desire in us to find this special someone, but we ultimately don't know why. As we find out the different things about each other, we start to take a step back. What is that anger about? I never did things like that growing up! Who are you? The simple desires that brought us together have started to fade into the fog. We get caught up in the storms of life and we start to lose hope. In other words we lose our desire for that person.

The bottom line is we have to think about the desires that brought us together. We have to focus on the desires that keep us together now. And finally the desire to move forward together and get past the little issues. As John and Stasi Eldredge  write in their book 'Love & War'. "Because marriage is hard, the first great battle it to not lose heart. We must recover and maintain desire. Let desire return and remind you of all that you wanted, all that you were created for. "

How have you maintained desire in your marriage?

Understanding Desire

In previous posts, we discussed some of the false desires of the world. We talked about how we can discover desire and the pressure the world puts on our desires. Believe it or not, things like movies, shows, commercials, cars and more are all made to capture our desire. Advertisers understand the word and quietly build it into their branding.

If you have started to truly understand desire from God’s point of view. You will start to feel a shift in what you desire in the world. In a sense, the “desires” of this world will start to lose their luster. What you once thought was so amazing, has now been downgraded. For example; theme parks, certain hobbies, habits. Why is this? Because God is starting to reveal to you your true desires. (Psalm 37:4) You are now in a position with God that He is able to reveal your desires to you. You are trustworthy enough. As you make this shift, the desires of this world will no longer have a stronghold on you. I like to refer to bible verse for this which says ‘I will give you a new heart and put a new spirit in you; I will remove from you your heart of stone and give you a heart of flesh’, Ezekiel 36:26 (NIV). Because you have delighted yourself in the Lord, he has given you a new perspective. A new outlook on the way you see and do life. And it’s good!

As I started to understand desire and realize the true desires of my heart. The meaningless things of this world started to really become meaningless (Ecclesiastes 12:8). I still enjoy going to theme parks, racing and building things for people (I do carpentry for fun). But the thing that matters most now is the people I am there with; whether its building relationships with family, making friends that enjoy similar hobbies, or seeing someone smile from a finished product. Another desire that becomes stronger is your marriage. Culture says it’s fine to look at other women and it’s alright to “search the internet”. But the truth is we are to desire our wife more than any other woman. She deserves our attention and our love. My marriage has been fundamentally transformed by God. When we allowed Him in, He revealed our desire for each other. Since then our marriage hasn't been the same and we never want to go back to the old ways. It's just that good.  Finally, your desire is focused on what God would have you desire. You are no longer attached to what the enemy tries to make you desire, although he will still tempt you. Pray for God to reveal to you the desires He has for you. Pray that your desire would never stray again!

Have you experienced true desire? Have you been given a new heart and Spirit?

The Pressure of Desire

So often I am tempted by my old desires or my false lovers. They come each day in the form of a poke, a nudge or a push. Some attempts by the enemy are stronger than others and some are just a quick memory. The memories of the old desires are still alive and the enemy loves to insert them whenever possible. He comes with comforting lies and soft tones, trying to speak to us in our language. This is the language you use to speak and the enemy knows it very well. He knows what made you fall before and he knows the temptations are still a chance to get us to go back to the old ways, or our old desires.

Take a can of soda for example. If you were to take this can of soda and shake it up, assuming it is caffeinated, the pressure would build inside of the can. If you were to open the can, the contents would come gushing out suddenly and there would be a mess to have to clean up or cover up. Now let’s say you shake that can of soda, but you do not open it. Sure the pressure is still there, but the contents are left inside to settle down.The same is with the temptation of our old desires. The enemy is still around and we are still human. When we are tempted, the pressure will rise and we will have to make a choice. If we make the choice to indulge in the old desire, the contents of our actions will come bursting out! We will be left with some sort of mess to clean up, or even worse we will have the guilt of trying to cover it up. If we can have the courage to stand up and avoid the temptation, the pressure will go away and the contents will calm down.

If we are recognizing our old desires and changing our habits to get our desires more in line with Gods, than we must be strong. We must be able to stand up to the pressure of the enemy, other people and so on. The false desires will tempt us; there is no question about that. But by knowing this type of thing is at work in us, we can be ready. We can have faith that God will provide a way out for us. Proof is in the His words below.

1 Corinthians 10:13: No temptation has overtaken you except what is common to mankind. And God is faithful; he will not let you be tempted beyond what you can bear. But when you are tempted, he will also provide a way out so that you can endure it.

Discover Desire

Continuing in the theme of Desire, from the book by John Elderidge. In the first discussion of our desires, we talked about 'False Desires'. This discussion is about taking desire to a new height, and discovering it on a deeper level.

Desire, at first, seems like a complicated idea. It is not a word commonly used anymore, and not really understood. But, we can only hope for what we desire. I know we all use the word hope. So how do we find out the deeper meaning of desire? How can we discover desire?

 I like to refer to one of my favorite verses, which is 'Delight yourself in the Lord, and he will give you the desires of your heart' (Psalm 37:4). The first part of this verse can help us understand how we can discover desire. We must delight ourselves in the Lord or find pleasure in our time with the Lord. How do we find pleasure in the Lord? Well, I'll ask another question: How do we find pleasure in hiking, reading, sports or just things we enjoy? We try it; we open ourselves up and give one of these things a try. Once we try it, and like it, we can say we took pleasure in it. Because we have taken pleasure in it, we hope or desire to do it again. When we take a vacation, we are typically longing for that time to get away. We desire to be on vacation.

So now that we have discovered the meaning of desire in our everyday life, how do we translate that into our walk with God? Let's start first with Church. As men, we need to be the spiritual leader of our household. The decision to go to Church should start with you. If you have the desire to seek God, your family will follow in your direction. They will be led, just as you are being led by God. Be open to listening to the message at Church. Hear what the Pastor is saying, and really listen closely. Try to desire, long, and  know more about our Father. Become friends with the people of the Church. These people should also have a desire to delight in the Lord, which will help you maintain your desire. The more people you can wrap around you with a desire for God, the better chance you have at maintaining your desire.

How have you discovered desire in your life?

A Call to be Courageous

Have you heard of the new movie coming out called 'Courageous'? The movie will be coming out on September 30th to a theater near you.

This is not your typical Hollywood movie though. The movie is about four Police officers who are focused and confident when it comes to facing danger on the job. But when it comes to leading their families at home in a God-honoring way, they must find their true stength and true courage.

As I was walking around the bookstore yesterday, I also noticed there are some books to go along with the movie. The first book I found was titled 'The Resolution for Men'. I took this book, read the introduction and the first chapter. I had to hold myself back from trying to read it all in a day. The information just in the first few pages was intense and straight to the point. We need men to stand up and Be Courageous.
There is also a book for women titled 'The Resolution for Women'. My wife started reading the book last night and had the same reaction. Intense and to the point.

I would highly recommend planning to watch this movie at the end of this month. Also, check out the books if you can (my wife and I bought both books at 'LifeWay' last night ). Click the links, and SPREAD THE WORD!

2BB4W94MYAHZ

Language of Respect

Respect is an understanding, an agreement, a behavior, an attitude and more.

Understanding respect is essential. It is necessary in the workplace, in marriages, and in everyday communication with people. When people are placed in charge of us, we must respect them. We must learn what respect means to them and apply those concepts daily. We must apply them in an effort to form a habit out of the process. It will be the best thing to do for yourself, for your career and for your boss. When you say ‘I do’ to your spouse, you are signing up to learn respect. We must learn what respect means to each other and, even more, learn how to apply those particular principles. Since we know ourselves better than anyone, we must be able to openly communicate what our language of respect is to our spouse. This will assist greatly in truly learning to understand each other. Once these points are found, the habit of applying them can begin.

 Since the wife is designed to understand love better, we, as men, must have patience with our wife. It would be a great idea to make an agreement with your wife in regards to learning more about respect. In other words, you both agree to stop conversations when needed, in order to learn each others language of respect. For example, when your wife does something that is disrespectful to you. This can be the time that you stop and default back to the agreement. You can simply say ‘Let’s go back to the agreement. The situation or words spoken came across disrespectful to me.’ This type of agreement allows the situation to not get out of control, because the both of you are going back to the original conversation/ agreement. Any misunderstanding of the situation can be worked out at this point in a calm and understanding way. This same idea can be applied when the husband says something unloving or disrespectful to his wife.

When I referred to the word ‘calm’, I am referring to our behavior. Our behavior or attitude is also large part of respect. Keeping the situations at a calm level allow for better understanding, clearer judgment and true listening. When a situation arises that would call for the ‘agreement’, it is most likely not going to be an easy moment. Something happened that caused some tension or friction. We, as spouses or coworkers, have to be careful not to assume the worst about each other. Assuming the worst will bring about an immediate negative attitude. If we can assume the best, our behavior will stay positive and calmer. The conversation during the discussion will go smoother and the resolution will come quicker. If needed, paraphrase each others comments back to each other to allow for full understanding.

In ending, we all need to understand how to respect each other better. This can be accomplished by being aware of this and agreeing to tell each other when situations come up. And to keep a positive, calm attitude during the process. The benefits of learning each others language of respect can be life changing.

Learn more about 'Love & Respect'.

Marriage Conference Day #2

This morning was the second day of Dr. Gary Chapman's marriage conference at the West End Assembly of God, in Richmond, Va. Yesterday he talked about 'The Five Love Languages' and the 'Five Languages of Apology'.

Todays critical marriage information was based out of his book 'The Marriage You've Always Wanted'. The main topic of the book is focused toward communication in our marriage. Communication is a necessity for a great marriage! Since we know ourself better than anyone else, we have to communicate what we like and don't like to our spouse.

Communication has to be a two way street in a marriage. This means a few things. We must be able to talk comfortably with each other. We must be able to clearly express what we are trying to say. And we must listen when the other person is talking. Are you listening yet? :) Sometimes its even a great idea to express your thoughts and have the other person paraphrase those thoughts back to you. This way you know your getting the right message across. Assuming is never a good idea.

We also discussed the topic of sex. Sex was created by God, and He even said it was very good. Notice that all the other days were good, but the day that male and female were created were really good. The culture has really taken its toll on this topic, but the Bible is very clear on the specifics of sex. Overall marriages need to keep a positive attitude on sex and keep the lines of communication open in this area. This should be an incentive to read the paragraph on communication again. Still listening?

Finally, we need to realize that marriage is a ministry. As Christ came to serve, so we need to serve. And we need to serve our spouse. The conference and the book go into a lot more detail on these subjects and many more. The experience was great and I would recommend this conference or any other marriage conference to married couples. Love accepts many imperfections. Thoughts?

Check out more information on Dr. Gary Chapman and his ministries.
http://www.5lovelanguages.com/

Marriage Conference Day #1

Tonight was the first part of the marriage conference. The speaker was Dr. Gary Chapman, and the topics were the books 'The Five Love Languages' and 'The Five Languages of Apology'.

I know what your thinking, what is wrong with our marriage that we would need to go to a marriage conference. Well believe it or not, our marriage is stronger than it ever has been and continues to get stronger. But we can all learn new things about ourselves, our spouse, our marriage and God. So, as a couple, we take full advantage of marriage conferences and/or marriage classes.

The first topic of the night was based on 'The Five Love Languages'. The idea with the languages is that we all love in different ways. We mostly learn how to love from our parents. We would watch how they would talk to each other, do things for each other and just spend time together. When we finally find the love of our life, we have to learn the love language of our partner. Now, the first couple years may go great because of our young love. But after that time passes, we need to start to really learn about each other. We need to learn our spouses love language. The languages are these: Words of Affirmation, Gifts, Quality Time, Acts of Service and Physical Touch. Discover which of these languages speaks most to your spouse and watch the transformation take place. Gary Chapman did a great job explaining these categories at the conference tonight, and goes into even more detail in the love languages book.

The other topic was 'The Five Languages of Apology'. Just as we grew up into a type of love language, we also grew up learning how to apologize. Apologizing is not the easiest thing to do, but is essential for our marriage to grow. Men must understand this even more as we tend to see apologizing as a sign of weakness. Most men grew up this way watching their Father, or have adjusted to the culture or male stereotype. What we don't realize is that apology is powerful and affective. As a couple we both have say sorry or admit we were wrong sometimes. None of us are perfect and we need to get this apology subject figured out for when we screw up. Notice I did not say 'if' you screw up, but 'when'. Gary Chapman has a book dedicated to learning these apology languages. I enjoyed hearing him speak about them and look forward to reading the book.

Tomorrow is day two of the conference. Check out these books when you get a chance. If you have read one or both of them, leave a comment and your thoughts. Thanks!

More information! http://www.5lovelanguages.com/