Wednesday, August 31, 2011

Language of Respect

Respect is an understanding, an agreement, a behavior, an attitude and more.

Understanding respect is essential. It is necessary in the workplace, in marriages, and in everyday communication with people. When people are placed in charge of us, we must respect them. We must learn what respect means to them and apply those concepts daily. We must apply them in an effort to form a habit out of the process. It will be the best thing to do for yourself, for your career and for your boss. When you say ‘I do’ to your spouse, you are signing up to learn respect. We must learn what respect means to each other and, even more, learn how to apply those particular principles. Since we know ourselves better than anyone, we must be able to openly communicate what our language of respect is to our spouse. This will assist greatly in truly learning to understand each other. Once these points are found, the habit of applying them can begin.

 Since the wife is designed to understand love better, we, as men, must have patience with our wife. It would be a great idea to make an agreement with your wife in regards to learning more about respect. In other words, you both agree to stop conversations when needed, in order to learn each others language of respect. For example, when your wife does something that is disrespectful to you. This can be the time that you stop and default back to the agreement. You can simply say ‘Let’s go back to the agreement. The situation or words spoken came across disrespectful to me.’ This type of agreement allows the situation to not get out of control, because the both of you are going back to the original conversation/ agreement. Any misunderstanding of the situation can be worked out at this point in a calm and understanding way. This same idea can be applied when the husband says something unloving or disrespectful to his wife.

When I referred to the word ‘calm’, I am referring to our behavior. Our behavior or attitude is also large part of respect. Keeping the situations at a calm level allow for better understanding, clearer judgment and true listening. When a situation arises that would call for the ‘agreement’, it is most likely not going to be an easy moment. Something happened that caused some tension or friction. We, as spouses or coworkers, have to be careful not to assume the worst about each other. Assuming the worst will bring about an immediate negative attitude. If we can assume the best, our behavior will stay positive and calmer. The conversation during the discussion will go smoother and the resolution will come quicker. If needed, paraphrase each others comments back to each other to allow for full understanding.

In ending, we all need to understand how to respect each other better. This can be accomplished by being aware of this and agreeing to tell each other when situations come up. And to keep a positive, calm attitude during the process. The benefits of learning each others language of respect can be life changing.


  1. I find respect to be sorely lacking in today's world; and not just among the young. Good post.

  2. Thank you for the comment. I agree with you and see it everyday with all ages.

  3. I think the first step to respect is honesty. You can say you respect someone. You can believe that someone respects you. You have to be honest with others and yourself. You can not pretend to have respect for others.

  4. JT.. Thanks for the comment. That is a great point. Honesty and a True Desire to understand each other can make all the difference.

  5. But there are some situations in which respect has to be earned (at least to keep it). Early in my working career I was employed successively by two different men. One worked hard to earn and keep the respect of his employees and his customers--by being honest, fair and trustworthy in his dealings. The second took it for granted-and took people for granted, too. He was not good to work for, and even his best employees had minimal respect for him. In an old post on my own blog I wrote about what I called "positional respect," and that it was temporary in nature--your own behavior could either build on it and increase it, or you could squander it and be left with little. Our language contains both the words "respect" and "respectable."

  6. postmodern redneck.. Great response and addition to the post. I completely agree. I have encountered similiar situations in the workplace. I like to say 'you can't give respect to no one and demand respect from everyone'. It just wont work. Thanks again!