Friday, February 1, 2013

Engine on, Car in Gear, JUST DRIVE!

Frustrated, tired, bitter and angry; I got up from the couch, grabbed my keys and headed out the door. My wife left on the couch crying, screaming or whatever.

Engine on, car in gear, just drive... (far away)

This was my "solution"; this was my way out. Spinning conversations about the same issues, and the same problems that we fought about every month were just not tolerable anymore. I would stare out the front windshield with intensity, wondering why I ever got married. The thought of her pain or what she was still doing was far from my care or mind. I didn't even know where I was headed; I just wanted to get away. Some solution.

If this scenario sounds familiar in your marriage, you're not alone brothers; it use to be common or better yet habitual in my marriage. Thankfully this doesn't take place in my marriage anymore, but it was the way of communication early on. This was never discussed in my pre-marriage classes and I honestly knew no better.


Typically ignited by something miniscule or just plain stupid, issues can erupt in our marriages in a matter of minutes. Away from the marriage we call this behavior pride and selfishness. Before having a place together and having the "joy" of seeing each other on a daily basis, these types of fights were dismissed or you could just simply head back to your place and wait out the bitterness. Although now you have to face them head on, you have to face them together. The long and far drive in the heat of the moment was never, and still is never, the answer.

Engine off, car in park, walk back in... (and stay)

Before you say I do, just after you say "I do" or if this type fight happened last night. Make it a point to talk about communication in your marriage with your wife. This is best done over a nice meal or on a calm walk one day. Be the leader gentlemen; gas is too expensive to take off on long, middle of the night drives all the time. But seriously gents, take the initiative in your marriage to figure out how to communicate. 
  1. Quit pointing fingers at each other and look at yourself first.
  2. Listen to what each other has to say and interpret back immediately!
  3. We speak in blue, she speaks in pink. Learn what I mean HERE.
  4. Learn to work together, not AGAINST each other.
  5. Be the SPIRITUAL LEADER and pray together over your marriage!

Marriage is awesome and can be awesome again if you want it to be. I'd love to hear about your "long midnight drive" experience or something similar in the comments below. Men need to know and hear that the hard times in marriage are common, but there are bright lights at the end of the tunnels. 


  1. WOW, couldn't have come at a better time. Great blog and insight. I just counseled someone on this yesterday, then went home and did it. I didn't drive off physically, but I did mentally. Got some crow to eat tonight:) To many rugs in our homes have things swept under them, hoping they will go away. Talking it out is the only way. Thanks for the reminder. This preaches easy, but is hard to live!

    1. Jody, thanks for sharing. I agree that mentally is just as bad. I hope you and the wife were able to "clean up under the rugs". We have to live it out the best we can everyday!

  2. Had a great talk. Spring cleaning has begun! Thanks for your ministry! God bless and keep it up!