Engine on, Car in Gear, JUST DRIVE!

Frustrated, tired, bitter and angry; I got up from the couch, grabbed my keys and headed out the door. My wife left on the couch crying, screaming or whatever.

Engine on, car in gear, just drive... (far away)

This was my "solution"; this was my way out. Spinning conversations about the same issues, and the same problems that we fought about every month were just not tolerable anymore. I would stare out the front windshield with intensity, wondering why I ever got married. The thought of her pain or what she was still doing was far from my care or mind. I didn't even know where I was headed; I just wanted to get away. Some solution.

If this scenario sounds familiar in your marriage, you're not alone brothers; it use to be common or better yet habitual in my marriage. Thankfully this doesn't take place in my marriage anymore, but it was the way of communication early on. This was never discussed in my pre-marriage classes and I honestly knew no better.

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Typically ignited by something miniscule or just plain stupid, issues can erupt in our marriages in a matter of minutes. Away from the marriage we call this behavior pride and selfishness. Before having a place together and having the "joy" of seeing each other on a daily basis, these types of fights were dismissed or you could just simply head back to your place and wait out the bitterness. Although now you have to face them head on, you have to face them together. The long and far drive in the heat of the moment was never, and still is never, the answer.

Engine off, car in park, walk back in... (and stay)

Before you say I do, just after you say "I do" or if this type fight happened last night. Make it a point to talk about communication in your marriage with your wife. This is best done over a nice meal or on a calm walk one day. Be the leader gentlemen; gas is too expensive to take off on long, middle of the night drives all the time. But seriously gents, take the initiative in your marriage to figure out how to communicate. 

1. Quit pointing fingers at each other and look at yourself first.
2. Listen to what each other has to say and interpret back immediately!
3. We speak in blue, she speaks in pink. Learn what I mean HERE.
4. Learn to work together, not AGAINST each other.
5. Be the SPIRITUAL LEADER and pray together over your marriage!

Marriage is awesome and can be awesome again if you want it to be. I'd love to hear about your "long midnight drive" experience or something similar in the comments below. Men need to know and hear that the hard times in marriage are common, but there are bright lights at the end of the tunnels. 

What is "Spiritual Maturity"?

Spiritual Maturity. Its part of the main theme for Manturity, but what does it really mean? My goal will be to take the next few posts and review spiritual maturity and what it takes to get there and stay there. 

Lately I have been using some avenues on Social Media to ask different ideas and opinions. The responses, although they were few, were great and to the point. The first response was from the author Jody Burkeen from MAN UP! Gods Way; he referenced the verses from 2 Peter 1:5-15. I never used these verses in reference to maturity before, but he sure gave me some things to think about. By the way, I am reading his book and it's pretty awesome. I hope to have a review coming out soon this month. Anyway, the verses go something like this:

⁵ For this very reason, make every effort to add to your faith goodness; and to goodness, knowledge; ⁶ and to knowledge, self-control; and to self-control, perseverance; and to perseverance, godliness; ⁷ and to godliness, mutual affection; and to mutual affection, love. ⁸ For if you possess these qualities in increasing measure, they will keep you from being ineffective and unproductive in your knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. ⁹ But whoever does not have them is nearsighted and blind, forgetting that they have been cleansed from their past sins.

If you need to, read it again. (Maybe a couple times more for good understanding measures :). Whoa! I'll attempt to go over this in a short, but effective manner. Make EVERY effort to add to your Faith. I don't think I read "when it's convenient, add to your faith". Make EVERY effort to add to your knowledge! This is asking us to go beyond the Sunday sermon and really seek out who the Lord was and still is. Make EVERY effort to add to your self control! This isn't talking about controlling some of your self; it's talking about all of yourself. This includes but is not limited to your physical behavior and your emotions. This includes when you are with people and when you are alone. Your actions should be pleasing to Christ. Make EVERY effort to add to your Godliness, mutual affection and love. You should be seeking to know more about God daily. Seeking to experience his Love and Affection for us and how we can translate that into our actions with other people. In the end, these things will keep you "up to par" and productive in the sight of the Lord and others. They will not be easy to maintain daily, but they are worth every minute trying. Don't be blind in your actions or emotions, don't forget what Christ has done for you and continue to follow his path and mature.

I know you have thoughts Spiritual Maturity. 

Share a story. Share your opinion. Make an impact.

The Spiritual Leader!

2010

Church wasn't on the schedule, it was an after thought. You see my wife came from a family where her Father was the spiritual leader and I came from a family where my Mother was the spiritual leader. How does that dynamic translate into marriage? Well for us, it meant confusion. We both grew up in the Church, so we thought going to Church would be easy after we got married. Well we both quickly found out that the process was not so easy. Due to the family structures, I would wait for her to mention something about church and she would wait for me to say something about church. I wasn't leading, I wasn't setting an example as the leader of the household, and I was being a coward.

Sunday morning would roll around, and although the church thing was on our mind, we would maybe ask each other if we were going to church or not. Sometimes one of us would say yes, sometimes we would decide not to go. We would even consider doing other things, like going out to breakfast or playing pool. We would try to find something to fill in the time slot, when in reality we knew we should have been at our Fathers house.

This back and forth process went on for some time. We really did not even have a specific church to go to. We would try a new church once and awhile, but we would complain about the way the pastor preached or complain about the people that we saw. How selfish. We finally found a new church online and checked it out one day. This church felt different and the people were really nice too. We met another young couple who invited us to attend a small group marriage class at the church. They were not pushy or condescending in any way, just friendly. We ended up going to the marriage class on a weekly basis, which by the way was 'Love and Respect'. Notice I did not say we were going to the regular church services. Although we did not know it yet, this class was great for our marriage but it was also a way to say we were at church without being, at church. The class helped us form new relationships and opened us up to the ideas that other couples our age were struggling and having to work hard to keep their marriage going on a strong and steady path. We were invited to go to service now and then, and we did, but only to satisfy the pressure from our piers. In a sense, we would go for all the wrong reasons.

2012

Notice my lack of leadership as the man of the house. Or should I say the 'Spiritual Leader' of the house. That's right men; you are the 'SPIRITUAL LEADER' of YOUR household. Your wife should not be waiting for you to make the decision about Sunday or your walk with Christ; you should be the one to have the decision made and your faith ESTABLISHED! Don't hesitate. I can't tell you exactly why I hesitated, but I did and I did it every week. This did not show my wife strength by any means, but rather showed my lack of leadership and ultimately my inability to make a solid decision as the husband. These issues are not only noticed in this situation, but become more pronounced with all of your other decisions. She will doubt you more often, and your role will become less and less important as she has to take on the role (your role). Think about it men. The less you take the lead, the more she will have to take the lead. You are setting your own self up for destruction of your personal confidence and your marriage. YOU are called to lead. YOU are called to serve. So Do It! This is your challenge and you had better take it serious! There is no question about who will lead my household, I am the husband, I will!

READ EPHESIANS 5:21-33

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. -1 Corinthians 11:3