STANDING AT THE GATES

All I could do was stand there. I tried to keep my eyes closed, but it was as though they were forced open. The gates were a distance off, but they looked larger than anything I had ever seen. The bridge just before them was falling apart and went on for miles. Jagged rocks lined the edges. They fell off as needed and changed the path continually. The bars were long and thick; all black. Not the shiny black that you're used to on a gate, but flat and dull. Something made me look behind me and all I could see was other people standing and staring at the same thing. Our clothes torn and ragged, we were here. Hell.

Without blinking I considered how I got here. The past world was a faint memory, but I could still feel some of the emotion, the hatred, the fear, the failure and everything else that went with that place. How stubborn and stupid could I have been? How oblivious was I that I ended up... here. I suddenly get a distant memory of my wife and my children. I slowly turn my head, as I can't move my chained up feet. They're no where. I attempt to open my eyes, but things only get fuzzier. I attempt to speak, but my voice is not there. My worry increases. Where are they? Are they safe? There was nothing I could do but look back towards the gates. Somehow I had moved closer to them, the entrance...

It wasn't but a moment later that I realized my wife, my kid's, my once important things were all gone. It was hard to imagine a place like Heaven after what my eyes were seeing at the present moment, but if I could I'd cry. This was it. This was what I lived for. All the times I denied, Chr, Chri, Christ. All the times I trusted in things rather than Him; all those times I worshiped my work, my computer, my hobbies and my whatever; all the blank moments at Church; all the fake handshakes; the fake smiles; the lies to my wife; the lie I was to my children...  They'll never know me now. Their memories will fade and so will I.

 The wind begins to pick up the pace, enough so that I have to move forward for the first time. It's strong. A force that gave me chills and made me move. My steps were small. They only had one direction to go toward and it lead straight to the bridge, straight to the gate. As the wind picked up, my vision grew worse. My skin started to peel. My mouth and eyes cringed. Others started to pass me and I could see them on the bridge. Between the chains and the jagged rocks, only half the people made it across. I could see them being pulled down. The cries. The fear. The people who went through life thinking they never needed anyone but themselves, suddenly yearning for help, even begging for it. But no one was there to help. The role had been reversed on us. A selfish life yields no help, no results. Empty.

I came up to the bridge and looked down. The wind was still way too strong to attempt a return back. It had looked like 100 feet wide from a distance but turned out to be about 10 feet wide. And with the amount of people, it was heel to heel; shoulder to shoulder. I did whatever I could to stay standing. Pushing, shoving, and yelling. This is what we did in life to get where we wanted and we're doing it here. The worst part was, we had no idea why we trying to get across safely. We had no idea what lie ahead, but it didn't matter. We, I, was the only thing that mattered. I managed to get across and get to the gate. The bridge ended and the path widened. It had to, the gate was enormous. 

Once there, I looked up only to close my eyes as quick as possible. They were reopened. There was no where to hide here, no secret of what lie ahead, your fate was decided. Truth told, we decided our fate before we ever even got to this place. We were told to get in a line and wait. Those who fought were sent back to the jagged rocks. We entered inside the gate one by one. This was it. This was the end. I asked myself one more time if it was worth it. I got to the entrance and was forced in. No words. No warning of what was to come. I wanted to do things on my own in life, I chose this path, I chose not to follow Christ, I chose to leave my family behind. The gates were now behind me and all that I faced was eternity.

Facing Manhood

It wasn't the most comfortable seat,

but I suppose it wasn't suppose to be.

My feet wrapped solidly around the rails,

my heart was hoping not to fail.

One side short,

the other long.

One side right, 

the other wrong.

I sat atop this lonely fence,

fighting back the fear.

Wondering which side I'd choose,

or whether I'll stay right here.

Courage. Fear. Courage. Fear,

I battled back and forth in mind.

Is this the moment to become a man,

is this the place and time.

A short jump means the same old thing,

a long jump means I'll change.

A short jump meets a cowardice boy,

a long jump meets a man.

I gripped the fence with mighty strength,

and closed my eyes with hope.

I prayed that God would lose a boy,

and gain a man in slope.

With one last look my hands released,

I felt the winter air.

The easy side was long far gone,

and I faced the man I dared.

What lay down here I can not know,
but the journey will be hard.
Rest assured that God is near,
in every step and every yard.

The choice is yours to face the fear,

and test your strength head on.

For courage always will prevail,

and God's protection will shine on.

________________________________________________

Check out this other great poem by Peter Choi, "Three Men at the Wall".

A Man of Worship

Standing there next to my wife, I can hear her voice amongst the crowds of other voices. We're at Church on Sunday morning and it is the time they call worship. She has such a beautiful voice. I consider that maybe her voice is enough worship for the both us. Excuses. I take a look around the Church at the other men to see what they are doing and find some of the following examples. I'd say most men's mouths never move; they stand there as though they are military and solute the worship leader with a blank face and no heart. I watch some men move their mouth with about as much enthusiasm as driving to work on a Monday morning. And finally I see the men with their eyes closed their mouths moving and their arms raised high. These are the men that get worship; these are the men singing their praises to God.

The definition of worship is this: reverent honor and homage paid to God; formal or ceremonious rendering of such honor. In other words, it is giving honor to our great God. It is a formal way of showing Him our love and respect. It is our way of letting go of all and giving it to him.

"Oh come, let us sing to the Lord; let us make a joyful noise to the rock of our salvation. Let us come into his presence with thanksgiving; let us make a joyful noise to him with songs of praise."

Psalm 95:1-2

What will it take for you to worship in Song?

A) Pride

You can put on your nice church clothes in the morning. You can shake the men's hands at church and slap that fake smile on your face, but you can't fool God. He deserves our attention, worship and so much more. Your pride puts the brakes on you worship. You're not better than anyone else and no one is judging you. If they are, they have their own issues with worship and so on. Give it up and give it to God!

B) Fear
We're men right? Men are what we are. Sounds like I'm quoting from 'Fight Club'. What are you so afraid of? Feeling weak? Looking funny? Maybe you think that girl you like will think less of you if your arms are raised high and you are actually sincere. Maybe you're wrong; maybe that exactly what she needs to see to even consider you. We are to Fear God, and we can do that through worship. Give it up and give it to God!

C) Understanding
You have to ask yourself 'how am I worshiping God', if I am not worshiping him in song? Is it at work? I would guess not. Is it at home watching the TV? I would assume not, again. If you call yourself a man of God, than worship must be understood and practiced. You should want to do it. You should consider all that He has done for you and sing his praises. I can't say that I always feel like singing or giving Him my all in Church, but I have to remember worship. I want to worship God and give Him my all!

What will it take for you to worship?

Be Strong. Be Bold.

The Spiritual Leader!

2010

Church wasn't on the schedule, it was an after thought. You see my wife came from a family where her Father was the spiritual leader and I came from a family where my Mother was the spiritual leader. How does that dynamic translate into marriage? Well for us, it meant confusion. We both grew up in the Church, so we thought going to Church would be easy after we got married. Well we both quickly found out that the process was not so easy. Due to the family structures, I would wait for her to mention something about church and she would wait for me to say something about church. I wasn't leading, I wasn't setting an example as the leader of the household, and I was being a coward.

Sunday morning would roll around, and although the church thing was on our mind, we would maybe ask each other if we were going to church or not. Sometimes one of us would say yes, sometimes we would decide not to go. We would even consider doing other things, like going out to breakfast or playing pool. We would try to find something to fill in the time slot, when in reality we knew we should have been at our Fathers house.

This back and forth process went on for some time. We really did not even have a specific church to go to. We would try a new church once and awhile, but we would complain about the way the pastor preached or complain about the people that we saw. How selfish. We finally found a new church online and checked it out one day. This church felt different and the people were really nice too. We met another young couple who invited us to attend a small group marriage class at the church. They were not pushy or condescending in any way, just friendly. We ended up going to the marriage class on a weekly basis, which by the way was 'Love and Respect'. Notice I did not say we were going to the regular church services. Although we did not know it yet, this class was great for our marriage but it was also a way to say we were at church without being, at church. The class helped us form new relationships and opened us up to the ideas that other couples our age were struggling and having to work hard to keep their marriage going on a strong and steady path. We were invited to go to service now and then, and we did, but only to satisfy the pressure from our piers. In a sense, we would go for all the wrong reasons.

2012

Notice my lack of leadership as the man of the house. Or should I say the 'Spiritual Leader' of the house. That's right men; you are the 'SPIRITUAL LEADER' of YOUR household. Your wife should not be waiting for you to make the decision about Sunday or your walk with Christ; you should be the one to have the decision made and your faith ESTABLISHED! Don't hesitate. I can't tell you exactly why I hesitated, but I did and I did it every week. This did not show my wife strength by any means, but rather showed my lack of leadership and ultimately my inability to make a solid decision as the husband. These issues are not only noticed in this situation, but become more pronounced with all of your other decisions. She will doubt you more often, and your role will become less and less important as she has to take on the role (your role). Think about it men. The less you take the lead, the more she will have to take the lead. You are setting your own self up for destruction of your personal confidence and your marriage. YOU are called to lead. YOU are called to serve. So Do It! This is your challenge and you had better take it serious! There is no question about who will lead my household, I am the husband, I will!

READ EPHESIANS 5:21-33

But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ, the head of a wife is her husband, and the head of Christ is God. -1 Corinthians 11:3

On The Floor

My legs were tired from working out the week before. There were 100 other men around me and the last thing I felt like doing was putting my knees on the floor and bowing before the Father. We were all instructed to get on our knees though and that is what I proceeded to do. When I initially went down, I could feel my sore legs cry out and I could feel my bad knee start to sing. I just did not feel it. I did not feel the need or the push. Finally I asked myself, where were all of these excuses coming from? Where was all this selfishness coming from? I finally put my face to the floor.

The floor was dirty, so I put my hands on the floor in front of my face. For a minute, I thought about how dirty the floor was and the fact that my face was only inches from it. It was after this point that I started to get angry. I started to ask myself why I felt this way and why was I letting it dominate my every thought. This should be a moment of pure and selfless sacrifice to Christ. Nothing else should matter at this point. Nothing else should be so important.

With my eyes closed, I looked far into the distance and I could see the enemy. I could see him smirking at me and enjoying every moment of my doubt. I raised my hand and pointed my finger at him and told him to “Leave me” and “Get out of my site!” I could feel my heart beat getting faster and faster. As I battled with him and felt him slowly moving away, I would look to Christ and ask him to forgive me and help me. As I spoke to Christ the enemy would slowly move back towards me; trying to take advantage of my connection with the Father. I would then look back down again and face the enemy straight on and force him back again and again and again. He was relentless.

The Lord finally gave me enough strength to cast him out of my site. With my eyes closed and the vision still very real, I fell to my knees and asked God for his help. I told him that I was tired of the soft food. I was tired of the basics and I wanted to know more. I asked him to show me who he really was and is. I asked him to take away my doubt and free me from the power of the enemy. He has no right in my life and he knows it. Christ heard my prayers and answered my prayers. I had no longer felt the pain in my legs or knee. I could no longer feel the stronghold of doubt and fear inside of my head. I had fought that battle with Christ and he was again victorious. I arose from the floor with a renewed sense of strength and a renewed sense of love for my God. He is strong and He is good.

Again, Christ showed me his strength. He showed me that I can always depend on him and that he will always fight for me. He is on my team.

How has Christ brought you to the floor before? 
How has He protected you in times of need?