A Letter To A Young Man

Dear Young Man,

I've seen you in Church a few times and thought you looked like someone new. I've also seen you at the entrance to the Church, making your way through the crowd and heading to your safe seat location or the other times I would see you throwing out some handshakes to a few men. All of those times you have been alone. With never taking the chance to speak to you, I felt compelled or almost called from the Lord to write you a letter. Trust me when I say this is not my normal pattern, but I've learned to listen when God speaks.

From my occasional glances around the Church crowd, I could tell that you were a man interested in what the preacher was speaking about each day. Clearly much younger than me, I can't help but think of myself when I was younger. To be honest, I probably would not have come to Church and I know I would not have looked as interested. If I was there, I was only there in the physical as my heart was never really in the whole Church thing.

OK, before I lose you and you start wondering why some dude has been watching you, I wanted to challenge you with a few things. I have been through those late teens and early twenties and can remember my cold and hard mind set. I tried to come across strong and confident, but could be broken easily. I was able to fight through many battles to get to where I am today, so hear me out.

My Question: Why do you come come to Church?
In my younger days I mainly went to Church because I simply had to. My earlier years consisted of my parents making me go, my times after that were related to my girlfriend going and the other times I would go out of guilt or a bad conscience. More recently after my marriage, I would go out of duty to my wife. Rarely did I ever go on my own, and those are times and years that I dearly regret. So I ask again, why do you go?

After years of knowing about Christ, the Church and his teachings; it took a thorough beating to get me to truly believe. It took years of struggle to finally believe in the old Bible stories, the amazing people and of course the life of Jesus Christ. I suppose my path in life let me get to this point, but I can't help wonder if things would have been better or different if I would have received a letter like this or if a man of maturity and respect would have grabbed me and shared his life story with me. I like to think I would have listened to him,  but I was very capable of putting on the "good show" without truly living the right life. Confidence is good, but life experience is hard to beat or deny. Again, why do you go?

My Opinion: Why go?
We are all traveling on a path; some paths are easier and some are harder. My suggestion is to stop wondering if Christ is there for you and ACCEPT that he is real and he is there for you. Church is a place of worship, of prayer, of relationship and so much more. Don't just go because you have to or feel guilty. Go because you want to learn! Go because you want to grow spiritually! Say a prayer while you're there for God to speak to you in amazing ways. Take the initiative now and get involved with other wonderful people from the Church. Meet someone new each time you are there.

You'll meet people that are kind and loving.
You'll meet brothers that are going through similar issues.
You could meet the woman of your dreams.
You could meet a best friend.
You could meet Christ and live a fulfilling life, for the rest of your life.

My friend, I pray that this letter meets you with a good heart. All of us together make a family and make the Church. For this reason, I hope to call you my brother some day. What you do with the letter from here is up to you. There is no pressure. Write me back, say hello or just keep living. Keep living for Him!

It will be worth it. I promise.
Your Brother in Christ...
__________________________________________________

Do you know a man that might need a letter like this?
Have you ever taken the initiative 
with a brother you had not met before?
Share your thoughts or experience in the comments!

5 Tones of A Husband

Before my wife and I got married, we dated for about six years. Overall we had good communication, but we still had our issues here and there. After a few years of dating, we were hanging out at a little fair one night and our communication started to fail and the night started to get real sour, real quick. As she shut down more and more, I wondered what in the world I was going to do. Do I shut down? Do we call it a night and try to forget about this night ever happened? What do I do?

It was late and the night was already at its end, but I wanted to make her feel better somehow. We sat down on a lonely bench and didn't speak. I had won her a small, stuffed animal frog from a game earlier in the night; when things were going a little smoother of course. I'm not sure how it came to me, but I grabbed the frog and started speaking in a really cute, high pitched voice. I used the stuffed frog as the "decoy" and used this voice as my weapon of choice. After a few minutes of talking in this funny voice, she slowly started to smile. With a "win" in sight, I continued to pursue her. Within another few minutes she was laughing, the frog was a success and the voice became a favorite. God was truly looking out for me that night.

To this very day, almost 10 years later, I still use this voice as a way to make my wife laugh and win her over in "sketchy" situations. I'm not sure where the frog ended up though...


The main point is that we all have a tone. There are various tones that we can use to make each other happy, sad or angry. As your marriage progresses in years, these tones and our attitudes should mature so that we know when to use certain ones and when not to use others. With this in mind, I thought I would break down a Husband's tone into five categories. Feel free to add your own type of tones that has worked or not worked in your marriage in the comments.


Here are the 5 Tones of a Husband

The Regular
We know this voice as our "regular" voice. This is the tone that most people know us best by, the one you use the most and the one your wife probably likes the best. What do I mean "likes the best"? I can tell you that in any situation that requires a real discussion, my wife hates to hear me use any voice other then my regular tone. She doesn't want me to be funny, she doesn't need sarcasm, she wants the real me. Most of the time I will try the funny tone, but I will be quickly told, "I'm being serious"! I make the switch back quickly.

Remember that your regular Tone is the best extension of who you are; it is the most sincere, it is the most honest and it is the most trustworthy. Since we tend to use it the most, we must make sure we use it properly and protect its rights. Would you agree that your "regular tone" is your wife's favorite?
These are important points to remember as we start to explore the other tone options.

The Funny
This tone goes back to the story at the top of this post. I never planned on having this tone in my playbook, but God had other plans. I love to use this tone around my wife when we are messing around, having fun or if I get caught doing something stupid. This voice is a great way to get you out of sticky situations; at least it has been for me.

The real trick with this tone is confidence. Besides pulling this voice out for the occasional family member, this voice is specifically meant for my wife; although, I can see my four month old enjoying it in the near future. Don't be embarrassed when using this tone around her. This tone is meant to lighten up situations, to create some laughter in the marriage and keep you and your wife happy. Happy wife, happy life. Right gentlemen?

The Whisper
I call this the "whisper", but this can also be your soft tone. This tone is most often seen and used when your wife is having a bad day, when you walk up behind her and tell her how much you love her and of course in "intimate" moments. This is another tone that may require some confidence and experience. This tone most likely will pass on the feelings of love to your wife. Expressing LOVE to your wife in your tone is very important in your marriage relationship. She needs to hear this tone and the feelings that come from you along with it.

Men, don't be afraid to use this! There are numerous opportunities to use this tone, with these being a few of them. Get home from work, walk in the door, wrap your arms around her and whisper how much you love her. She prepped dinner for you, you ate it, you walk up behind her and tell her softly how much you loved the food and appreciate the effort she put into it. These are just a few quick ideas; I'll leave you to figure out more... The trick is softer than your regular tone, and more serious than your funny tone. Is the whisper tone in your arsenal?

The Angry
Yes, the angry tone. I would vouch to say that all men have this tone and are unfortunately quite good at using it. The question is do we know how to handle and maintain this tone? Upon first getting married, my wife and I found ourselves amongst a few heated battles. I had very little idea of how much damage my angry tone could affect her. The tone has a much deeper growl, usually followed up with intense eye and eyebrow action, and firm body language. This is far, far from the whisper tone and does not speak love.

This tone really doesn't take much confidence to pull off; in fact it's probably easy for you to do. Maybe, too easy. This one on the other hand takes maturity and self control. A man needs to learn what his trigger points are and discuss these points with his wife. It will also help if the wife doesn't intentionally set off those points. When these heavier emotions and tones are shifted into high hear, a man needs to quickly learn to gain control and tone down the situation. Realize that the REGULAR tone may be better suited until the situation can get under control. Are you able to control your angry tone?

The Silent
Yes, I titled this last tone as the "silent" tone. It's amazing that the worst tone a man could possibly use in marriage is, well, no tone at all. In a sense, this tone is a step above the "angry". This tone tends to come into play when a husband feels ultimately disrespected and no longer thinks his words matter in the situation. What tends to come from this? More silence. A husband could take this tone and go for days and days without speaking to his wife in any way or legitimate form. Sure hi's and bye's make it, but the depth is gone. This tone can be just damaging to a marriage, when just a real conversation in your regular tone could start the process of resolution.

I struggled with this tone a ton early in my marriage. I would do something wrong, my wife and I would go at it; I would bite my lip and listen. After my lip was sore and the conversation moved nowhere, I'd enter into silent mode and be stuck there for weeks. Men, this is not resolution and accomplishes nothing. Man up, speak up and lead your marriage to resolution. Can you relate to the Silent tone?


The 5 Tones of a Husband. What do you think?

Can you relate to each of these tones in your marriage? 

Share another tone or a situation in your own marriage!

photo credit: © itestro - Fotolia.com

Jesus Never Failed Me

I was recently challenged to share my testimony at my home Church. I felt that God was calling me to share my story of how Jesus never failed me. I shared my story there and now I share my story with you today.

In February 2007, my first wife left me. Needless to say, I was devastated and I blamed God for allowing me to feel so much pain. I got angry and started running away from Him by doing anything I could to help me feel better. I quit going to church. I was drinking every day. I hated Sundays because most bars were closed. I was with many women trying to fill the void that my ex-wife had left. I even cheated on a girlfriend because, even though she wasn't giving me any reason to think so, I assumed she was cheating on me.

People who knew me before said that I was a completely different person and for a year and a half, I just kept trying to please myself.

Fortunately, one summer day in June of 2008, God pressed this question on my heart, "Do you really want to live the rest of your life this way”? I instantly remembered that everything I was doing was a waste of time and that I would only find INSTANT satisfaction. The only way I would ever be TRULY happy again, was to re-dedicate my life back to Christ and allow Him to heal my broken heart. I didn't immediately stop doing the things that I was doing wrong. But over a period of several months, God helped me eliminate the things that were hurting my relationship with Him.

By January of 2009, I was feeling God’s healing as I was alright with being alone. I didn't "need" to have a girlfriend and I was enjoying the single life and depending on God for my happiness. Amazingly that same month, God introduced me to my current wife. For 6 months we hung out frequently, but I kept telling her that I couldn't date her because I needed to "be alone". June 4th, 2009, I felt like God was telling me that it was alright and that I was ready for a relationship. So I asked her if she was still willing to date me. We've been married since July 27th 2010.

God showed me His mercy by protecting me when I was running. He spared me and other people by keeping my car on the road when I was driving drunk. He kept me from diseases or having children with random women. And He saved me from Hell by dying on the cross for all my sins. NOW, He's showing me His Grace. He promises me eternal life with Him even though I'm far from worthy. He's blessed me with a beautiful wife, who pushes me every day to do more than just sit around and play games. He blessed me with an amazing step daughter when I re-married. He blessed me with an adorable daughter of my own just 15 months ago. He blessed me with a wonderful foster daughter 4 months ago. And just 2 days ago on April 10^th, 2013; He blessed me with my first son. He gave me the family I had desired all along, even though I had rejected Him out of anger for something He didn't even do.

We named our daughter Gianna Grace because Gianna means "God is gracious". And we named our son Micah Giovanni because Micah means "Who is like God”? The answer to the question is (emphatically) "NO ONE”!

This is my story.

JESUS HAS NEVER FAILED ME. AND HE NEVER WILL...

Share some ways that Jesus has never failed you.

Photo credit: © Paolese - Fotolia.com

_____________________________________________________________

This was a guest post by a good friend of mine from High School. 
I recently saw his testimony posted on his Facebook 
and requested that he share it on the blog.

Tech Check

It's hard to fight off distractions on the computer when, for the most part, we have to be on them so much. At work we may have to sit behind them all day or for most of the day. Our Smartphone, for most, has become an extension of who we are therefore used more then ever before. Technology has been a huge blessing, but also a huge curse and how you use it might say a lot about who you are and what you find important.

How can technology be a blessing? We, as husbands can have almost instant access to our wife and our children. We can keep in touch with friends better and stay close to extended family. Letters might still be a classic and cool way of sending messages, but it's been a dying art of communication for years now. Things have gotten much faster, and we demand answers much faster. We can reach a wider audience for Christ. One lone person, say writing a blog, can impact thousands across the world with a simple tweet, Facebook message, or blog post. The men over at "Fearless Men" mentioned how much more efficient we are with all of this technology. There are wonderful things that tech has brought us and we should be thankful to be alive in a time like this.  How have you found technology to be a blessing in your life?

How is technology a curse? Impossible! Yeah, I don't think so. With instant access to so much, those relationships that we can stay in touch with the most can start to fall. How? Spending time with your friends and all just hanging out on the phone. Arriving at home to your spouse after a long day of work, sitting down on the couch and watching television for the rest of the evening or checking "status updates" all night. Because the latest updates on Facebook are more critical than your relationship with you wife...?? Easy access to whatever you want to look at, whenever you want. This can get ugly. Men, we must keep our minds pure and our desires on Christ! How about dependency? Have you ever had your cable go out, your computer breakdown or your phone screen crack? What do you do? How do you feel? Completely helpless? If so, you are too dependent on your tech and maybe it's time for a break... Don't worry, I am guilty on every charge brought up. So how have you found technology to be a curse?


What to do?

SET BOUNDARIES
Sounds simple enough, but you have to first be willing to take that step and then follow through consistently, over and over and over again. This is part of discipline, this is part of growing in maturity and this is essential to understand on your quest to true manhood. Have set nights where you and your wife turn off the phones, TV, pads or whatever and spend actual quality time together. Do a devotional. Pray together. Get creative...

Having trouble staying honest and pure on your devices? Again, set boundaries. If you feel the urge coming to view things you know you shouldn't, don't give in! I repeat don't give in. By this time you probably know your weak spots, so have a plan in place. Plan to go running, open up your Bible, turn off the device or pray. Be ready, don't play dumb and act surprised. Check out the some of the powerful resources from the Men at XXXCHURCH.com. Know your boundaries!


SET REMINDERS
At the end of each month I have a reminder to off on my phone and computer. For three days, I’m reminded why I need to stay consistent, what my boundaries are, why I don't want to go back to my old ways and why I want to stay faithful to my wife and Christ. Again, this goes off every month. 

You can do this too on your phone, work computer or something. Set up a daily reminder to pray. Setup a weekly reminder to read your Bible and set up a monthly reminder to remind you of what's most important and why! Share a calender with your wife and have set times to do a devotional. Every Thursday night maybe? No TV Tuesday night possibly? Just try it. Keep the tech a blessing!

Remember a good soldier is always ready for Battle. A great Pastor is always ready for the Sunday message. And a good, honest, mature Christian man is always ready to defeat the Enemy. 


Have you had a Tech Check lately?
Maybe you should.  

Share what has worked for you or if you need a checkup.

photo credit: © alphaspirit - Fotolia.com

GRACE

“And after you have suffered a little while, the God of all grace, who has called you to his eternal glory in Christ, will himself restore, confirm, strengthen, and establish you.” - 1 Peter 5:10.

I am by no means a perfect man. Some days it would be hard to call me good. I have my daily struggles. Some days I come out on top of those struggles, some days I don’t. But by the grace of God, I am able to get up every morning and start another day anew.

How I have come to know Christ hasn’t been very spectacular. There haven’t been any near death experiences, any major crises that opened my eyes to the Lord. It has been more of a slow build up. Like God has always been there, just waiting for me to make the turn toward him. And I believe that he has always been there, watching me make mistake after mistake, seeing me miss clue after clue. Each time he has shown me the kind of grace that can only come from the Lord himself.

Like it says in 1 Peter, “…after you have suffered a little while…” we will be restored by his grace. Like I said before, I haven’t had to suffer very much. I have been incredibly fortunate to be brought up in a home with loving parents who are still together. I am happily married to the love of my life and my best friend. Life has been pretty good to me. So the suffering that is talked about in that verse, at least for me, has been internal. I’ve always known about God. I was raised in the church. But I had never really known him. And at a certain point in my life, I think I was about 21 and getting close to graduating from college, I could tell that something was missing. I would come home on weekends and go to church with my parents and just sit there thinking, “Why do I feel like this? Why do I feel empty?” And after struggling with these feelings for months, God showed up in the form of a guy. This guy had come to our fraternity chapter meeting saying that he worked for the campus ministries program and he wanted to start a small bible study with anyone in my fraternity who was interested. Needless to say, this had “work of the Lord” written all over it. So I decided to jump in. And when I did, it was like my eyes had been opened for the first time. He told us that being a Christian is more than just going to church, being a nice guy, and following the rules. To be a follower of Christ means having an active, fulfilling relationship with him, and that the Lord wants us to pursue him and to love him as he pursues and loves us.

And it was then that the void that I had began to fill. I realized that no matter how much I screwed up, he will always love me. That if I would confess my sins to him, he would forgive me. And to know that there is someone who loves me that much, someone that shows me that much grace…it makes serving him on a daily basis that much easier.

As I said at the beginning of this post, I am not a perfect man. None of us are. And we must strive to become more like him every single day. We must strive to be better friends, better husbands, better fathers, and better men. And without the grace of God, we’re dead in the water. It is a daily struggle, but with the Lord on our side, there is nothing that can defeat us.

How did you come to know Christ?

Was it a slow build or a sudden jolt?

________________________________________________

This was a guest post by Caleb Reeves. 

Caleb lives in Spanish Fort, AL. He spends his time with his beautiful wife and two dogs, doing as much fishing as possible and living life one day at a time. He is taking each day as an opportunity to become a better man of God.

God Forbid, I Joined A Church...

I recently told a good friend of mine that I was attending a Baptist church. His first words were, “But they don’t believe so many things.” You have to understand that I am a full fledged charismatic/ Pentecostal born again man. To make matters more interesting for him, I shared that at one of the services, a lady heard me signing during the praise and worship service, and thought that I had an angel’s voice.  It turned out that she was the choir director and lovingly persuaded me to join their choir. By the time I was finished talking to him, he didn't know what to say. See, I was the guy who lifted up his hands during worship, spoke in tongues, and even occasionally ran down the aisle. Get the picture? Reflecting on this friend’s reaction inspired this post.

“And He said to them, go into all the world and preach the gospel to every creature. He who believes and is baptized will be saved; but he who does not believe will be condemned.” Mark 16:15-16.

When Christ told his disciples to preach the gospel, He never said anything about going to preach to dudes because they will be baptized with the indwelling presence of the Holy Spirit. Jesus never said, “ And their denomination shall be called...”. Nowadays, we have segregated ourselves into so many man-made doctrines, and it appears that many of us have forgotten the simplicity of the love story of Jesus Christ.

When I received Jesus as my Lord and Savior, I did it alone. I heard no voice saying, “Go ye join the Pentecostal, Baptist, Charismatic, Lutheran and so forth movements.” No, I was redeemed, and the angels in heaven threw a party for me. The angels were not concerned about what denomination I would gravitate towards. They were parading and rejoicing about my decision. Let me be very clear that there is nothing wrong with any these man-made doctrines. It boils down to personal preference.

If you look at history, you will find out that many wars were started by Christians factions, not unbelievers. Fighting for power or whose perspective they thought was best to follow.  Nowadays, our wars are more subtle since we have become so civilized and educated. We see even in the church, we have become so politically correct. Some of us are fighting against ourselves all the way to the chapel because of doctrinal ideologies. When we present ourselves before the Lord, He is not going to ask you what doctrine you followed. He is indeed going to ask you, did you know my Son as your Savior.  The enemy does not have to spend any effort here since we have now become his biggest ally.

“There is one body and one Spirit, just as you were called in one hope of your calling; one Lord, one faith, one baptism; one God and Father of all, who is above all and through all, and in you all.” Ephesians 4: 4-6

This is a fact, all “Christian” doctrines point in one direction, Jesus as the only Savior. Our command is to love one another, not to separate ourselves into so many different entities. We are supposed to be One Body.  There really is no time for anything else, but to cheer each other on through the best race there is.

So are you still stuck following 
doctrines and ideologies or Jesus? 
Share in the comments below.

________________________________________________

This is a guest post by Rick Cubas. He is a wild at heart kind of guy who is married to a wonderful woman and is a father to three beautiful little girls. He owns a Farmers Insurance Agency in Houston, TX.  He is a changed and redeemed man, who had an ocean for a backyard as a child and never imagined he’d grow up to become a friend of God. Check out his other posts here!

GENERATIONS

Being young doesn't make you invincible.

Being old doesn't make you mature.

Being a man doesn't make you stronger.

The enemy knows you better then you think. In fact the Enemy knows you so well because he knows your father, he knows your Grandfather, he knows your Great Grandfather and he knows your Great-Great Grandfather. Get the idea?

It does not matter how young you are, how smart you think you are, how mature you think you are, how strong you think you are; he still knows you better then you could ever imagine. Don't think you can outsmart someone who has so much to work from in the past.

Evil is his game. 

Confusion is his poison.

Regret is his satisfaction.


Are you ready for him?

Where should you be ready? Well he likes to show up when your getting you're morning coffee, clothed in long blonde hair and tight pants. He knows from experience that this similar type of woman made your Grandfather fall, so he moves in and tries the same tactics with you. He just sits back and watches. Are you ready? Are you strong enough?

Where should you expect it? He loves to show up as an innocent link on your computer. He knows all to well that you are attempting to become a PURE man and he wants to try to win you back with a "subtle" hint or that first look. It's worked on you before, why wouldn't it work again. Were you expecting it? Were you ready for it?

Where could he blindside you? Your marriage seems to be going great when out of nowhere things start to go a little crazy. The money is tight, the trust just isn't there, or you said something unloving without even knowing it. He knows how well these situations have worked and destroyed many marriages and sits back with an evil grin hoping it will also destroy your marriage. Is your marriage strong enough to handle something like this? Is it ready?

TAKE A STAND! Again, never be overly confident and think, "This stuff will never happen to me". The enemy has his ways, many ways, and he has most likely already used them on you. Maybe you noticed, maybe you didn't; but either way he is lurking and waiting to attack. He knows about every man from previous generations, he knows the men in your family and he knows you. This is your warning! Be Ready!

"Like a lion in cover he lies in wait. 
He lies in wait to catch the helpless; 
he catches the helpless and drags them off in his net." 
-Psalm 10:9
___________________________